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Well, yet another “special water” site has come to our attention, this one dealing with a still-sillier version of H2O that is supposed to produce a healthier, more complete you. A man named Vance Alford in North Carolina is peddling a product named “Extreme X2O,” made by Xooma Worldwide. (That’s spoken as, “X two oh,” not “X twenty.” A play on H2O, don’tcha see?) Vance reveals to us that while many of the special bottled waters that we can purchase have as few as two electrolytes, his X2O has 74! Surely, this makes his water 37 times as valuable, right?
But let's just look into the wild array of chemical elements that Vance lists as components of this wonderful product. We have 65 of them, he says:
Aluminum, Antimony, Barium, Beryllium, Bismuth, Boron, Bromine, Cadmium, Calcium, Carbon, Cerium, Chloride, Chromium, Cobalt, Copper, Dysprosium, Erbium, Europium, Fluoride, Gadolinium, Gallium, Germanium, Gold, Hafnium, Holmium, Indium, Iodine, Iridium, Iron, Lanthanum, Lithium, Lutetium, Magnesium, Manganese, Molybdenum, Neodymium, Nickel, Niobium, Osmium, Palladium, Potassium, Praseodymium, Rhenium, Rhodium, Rubidium, Ruthenium, Samarium, Scandium, Selenium, Silicon, Silver, Sodium, Strontium, Sulfur, Tantalum, Tellurium, Terbium, Thallium, Tin, Titanium, Tungsten, Vanadium, Ytterbium, Zinc, and Zirconium.
Note, please, that he refers to Chlorine and Fluorine as Chloride and Fluoride, but he was doubtless absent from school when the subtle difference was being taught. Also, by far the most prominent elements in this product – Hydrogen and Oxygen – are not included, perhaps because Vance couldn’t figure out how to offer different varieties of these ingredients to customers. What immediately struck me about this list, is that he seems to have selected block sections of the table of 107 elements available to him; for example, he just grabbed a whole consecutive alphabetical group going from Rhenium to Tantalum. Now, how he gets some of these rather rare items, we can only guess, and my guess is that he only fantasizes that he has access to them. Lutetium is one of the two rarest elements in the "rare earth" group. The element Rhenium is extremely scarce, as are Erbium, Europium, Holmium, Lanthanum, Praseodymium, and Ytterbium – all known as “rare-earth” metals, some occasionally found in trace amounts as products of nuclear fission. Both Cadmium and Thallium are extremely poisonous, though certainly not as trace elements in Vance’s water; that dilution would be homeopathic in degree, and thus – as we know – totally ineffective. This magical water most certainly does not contain most of these elements in any detectable amounts; this is imagination, a blatant lie, and/or a farce.
On November 12th, I received this spam from Mr. Alford:
Did you know that there is a little-known secret about water that has existed for thousands of years? Very few know about it.
-The Japanese know.
-Scientists and non-traditional doctors know.
-A NASA-approved lab has validated it.
-The powers that control the Pharmaceutical Markets know about it.
When you go further into his literature, Vance proudly states that his product has been tested at the NASA Langley Research Center, which thoroughly puzzles me. This facility was first established in 1917 as the nation's first civilian aeronautics laboratory, and it contributes to aerospace, atmospheric sciences, and other technologies, but has zero connections with water-testing. I have made inquiries about this, both to Mr. Alford and to NASA Langley. I will report the results here, anon. So far, Vance has responded that the data
…is on my support site. I will get the link or pdf to you. I have to run just now for supper with family.
Vance’s promo tells us that the pH of this wonder-water of his is important, but read on to get the entire picture. To explain: the chemical pH scale goes from 0 (extremely acidic) to 14 (extremely alkaline), with 7.0 being exactly neutral. A one point drop on the pH scale means 10 times more acidic; for example, 6 is 10 times more acidic than 7, a drop from 7 to 5 is 100 times greater, and from 7 to 2 is 100,000 times more acidic. Vance is dead set against people’s drinking water being anywhere in the acidic range, though the World Health Organization (WHO) recommends a pH from 6.5 to 8.5 for optimum safety – see that range shown in the chart. Less than 6.5 or greater than 9.2, says WHO, is considered dangerous. Extreme X2O, Vance tells us, has a pH of 9.9...! I’ll let you figure out why I’m puzzled by this claim…
Ah, says Vance, but not everyone can test water for its pH ranking – which is news to me. Says this “expert”:
To properly measure the true pH of Xooma X2O you need the specific electronic equipment designed to test the number of hydrgen [sic] electrons in the water.
Gee, that would be a HUGE number, Vance, and rather indicates the degree of your understanding of simple chemistry and/or physics. Taken right straight from the text of your promo video:
Tested at the NASA Langley Research Center, X2O was the only product of its kind to register a minus reading on the ORP [Oxidation Reduction Potential] meter. What does that scientific talk mean for you? Simply, that X2O is not acidic, and much more available to your body’s cells, so when you take a drink, your cells get a drink also, and you are actually, finally, satisfying your body’s thirst.
That’s a ridiculous statement. We ARE our body’s cells, and water doesn’t just run through us without being distributed where it’s needed, or we’d dry up within a few hours, and die.
There’s now another twist on this scam, a new product said to be developed by a member of the Canadian Sports Nutrition Hall of Fame, whatever and whoever that is. A brief site reference shows that the organization supports all sorts of quackery and woo-woo nutritional notions. This new item is “Extreme X2O Blast,” a sachet which when dipped into the X2O water, makes it into a sort of tea – but nowhere are the ingredients of the sachet listed! Two Internet sites that are supposed to list those ingredients, are now shut down, but we found a source. The ingredients are:
"Highly Active" Calcium 94.7%
Magnesium 3.4%
Ocean Trace Minerals 1.4%
L-ascorbic acid .5%
Silver (trace)
The "calcium" is the old "coral calcium" scam, which is no more active than regular chalk. In fact, it's just chalk, calcium carbonate, and as cheap as dirt. In what form the magnesium is, we're not told, but probably as magnesia, MgO, a common – and very cheap – antacid. The "trace minerals" are un-named, and the ascorbic acid is vitamin C – at half a percent of the tea-bag contents…!
And here I was expecting a scientific breakthrough! I ask you, would you drink tea made from a bag of this? I know I wouldn't…
Canadian reader Daniel Rioux provides us with this translation of a recent welcome piece of news from his country:
The official pharmacists agency of Québec is getting ready to ban the naturopaths and homeopaths who give patient counseling at the prescription desks of drugstores. Radio-Canada announced that a new ethics code for pharmacists, currently in preparation, will put an end to the presence of these professionals in the immediate environment of pharmacists. More and more “natural product” counselors offer to give consultation in the drugstores at the prescription desk which is usually reserved for the pharmacist.
The pharmacists agency have doubts about the competence of nearly 80% of the naturopaths, an assertion corroborated by Roseline Gagnon, of the association of graduated naturopaths of Québec.
The new code must be accepted by the Office of Professions of Québec before it comes into force. When the code has been signed, the naturopaths and homeopaths, who will want to share their knowledge, will have to stay in the cosmetic and candies department.
Adds Daniel, “Of course, I wish they would be out for good, but, oh well, it's a beginning.”
Agreed…
A note from Tim Minogue, an editor for the UK’s “Private Eye” magazine, brought us an expected report:
Hi, you may remember back in August posting an article from Private Eye magazine about how the States (Parliament) of Jersey had postponed enacting water conservation measures on the island because a water diviner claimed there were unlimited supplies of underground fresh water, flowing in from some 20 miles away beneath the sea from France. The States commissioned geologists to dig boreholes at two locations specified by the diviner to test the claims, at a cost of £70,000 ($132,000). Now the results are in, and – surprise, surprise – there were no underground streams! The small amount of water extracted was chemically tested and found to be identical with other sources on Jersey – i.e. it had fallen as rainwater on the island and did not originate in France. The attachment is the States press release about this. Hope you find it interesting.
Indeed we do, Tim. Our previous SWIFT item can be found at http://www.randi.org/jr/2006-08/080406move.html#i6. The present official report from the Jersey Planning and Environment Department specifically states (an extract):
Members of the Deep Groundwater Advisory Group have received the report from specialists brought in to investigate the theory that fresh water from the European mainland could be flowing under Jersey. The technical specialists have advised that the interim results suggest that water does not flow from the European mainland to Jersey.
Randi comments: The blatant fact is that there never was any sort of indication that water flowed along that route, at all. It was only a notion advanced by a dowser, George Langlois, whose fatuous claims were – for an unknown reason – supported by some members of the Jersey legislature. Senator Freddie Cohen, alarmed at the serious water shortage on the island, had attempted to introduce new restrictions and advisories on water consumption, but those in the Senate who supported the diviner’s fantasies, vetoed that legislation because they believed the diviner's assertions, or at least were prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt. Cohen attempted to introduce some sensible measures to protect the environment on the island, including limitations on reckless extraction of groundwater. The naïve among the other Senators argued that if there really was a limitless supply of underground water, as Langlois said, they wouldn't have to persuade farmers and others to cut back on their water consumption. Cohen, who has never given the diviner's beliefs any credence at all, realized that the only way to win the argument was to have independent scientific tests carried out, and they were. He now hopes the argument is settled, in favor of science and reason, once and for all. Remember, no dowser has anything but mythology going for his claims. He has no “authority” or expertise, whatsoever. Geologists are well aware that water does not behave the way dowsers say it does, but Jerseyites decided to expend this money on the claim. The report states:
The well drillers and water diviners identified two sites on the Island where they had divined underground streams entering Jersey. The sites were on the east coast, at La Rocque and at St. Catherine’s, with stream depths divined at 45.7m and 76.3m respectively.
When the boreholes were drilled to depths of 55.5m and 79.5m respectively, no major flows were found at these depths.
Groundwater was sampled at various depths from each borehole and examined to determine the ratio of heavy to light isotopes (the isotopic signature). By using this “signature” it is possible for scientists to conclude whether the water sampled fell as rain on Jersey or whether it came from an upland source in mainland Europe.
The isotope analyses were all within the normal range for Jersey waters and showed no significant difference between water at the surface and water at depth.
A correspondent of Tim’s reported:
I've just received this from a resident of the island. It's quite an insight into some of the minds at work there...
States deputy Gerry Baudains wrote to the Jersey Evening Post in October. He took the process a stage further by getting into a boat and using a forked twig to trace the alleged underground stream from the Jersey coast to France. He also dismissed the scientific study as being “fatally flawed” but when asked about it, he couldn't say why. Instead he said that, in light of his divining work, “the exercise is superfluous anyway, given that we now know there is an hydraulic link.” A bit of circular logic at work there?
I'll keep my ear to the ground so that when they start burning witches on Jersey you'll be the first to know.
Unfortunately, the fact that US$132,000 was expended to perform this test, will not encourage dowsers or those naïve folks who believe in dowsing to think twice before investing such a sum again. The dowsers of course are flustering and objecting that no such research can serve to prove or disprove their claims, and their faith in such abilities will not be affected one whit. Dowsing has been tested thousands of times, and has not been shown to work; it will go through thousands more tests, fail, and still bounce back…
Though it won’t close the door on the matter, an excellent paper has been prepared by a group at the Anomalistic Psychology Research Unit, Department of Psychology, at Goldsmiths, University of London. This test served as the preliminary one for a claim made on the JREF million-dollar prize. Had it been positive, the applicant would have been asked to perform the formal test for the prize. Elaine Beattie, Christopher French, and R. Bunton-Stasyshyn report, in the abstract to that document:
A double-blind experiment was carried out to determine whether dowsing can be used to locate water under controlled conditions. Despite much anecdotal evidence in support of dowsing claims, dowsers have been unable to demonstrate any real ability under scientifically controlled conditions. Eight experienced dowsers took part in 6 trials in which they were required to locate a bottle of water in a concealed container from a row of six such containers, the remaining five containing sand. Participants had to locate the water 4 or more times out of the 6 trials in order to pass the test. In line with previous controlled tests of dowsing ability, the results for each individual dowser were below chance expectations. It is concluded that the movement of the dowsing rod did not indicate the source of the sought target. Explanations for rod movements are likely to be due to the ideomotor effect rather than veridical location of water.
You can refer to www.randi.org/encyclopedia/ideomotor%20effect.html for an explanation of the “ideomotor” effect…
Science has again shown that dowsing is nothing more than a delusion.
Referring to last week’s magical “DeMag” gimmick that demagnetizes vinyl and acrylic (?) at www.randi.org/jr/2006-11/111706rampa.html#i6, we received this interesting observation from reader Pablo Bianucci, at the University of Texas:
In reference to the "demagnetizer," one of the claims you posted is:
Testing at the Tokyo Nanotechnology center with a IHI Gauss meter showed that after an LP was treated with the deMag the magnetic field of the LP was lowered from 620~630 nT to 572~582 nT (nanotesla: a unit of magnetic field strength,1 Tesla = 10,000 gauss).
Just for informational purposes, let me look at their numbers. They claim a change of about 40 nanotesla which supposedly improves the sound. Now, the magnitude of the Earth's magnetic field is at least 30,000 nanotesla, more if you are closer to the magnetic poles; I found this in Wikipedia.
That is, the magnetic field of the Earth is about 750 times larger than the change in the LP and about 37 times larger than any magnetic field present in the disk, according to their own measurements. The conclusion is that all our audio systems must sound really bad with all that magnetic field around.
And to think that I've never noticed!! That's probably why I am not an audiophile...
Yes, Pablo, you’re a mere scientist. What would you know, compared to the geniuses at Stereophile Magazine? As we know, they could snap up the JREF million-dollar prize in a few minutes work, but they’re far too busy writing more nonsense for the subscribers, and laughing at their naivety…
Reader Frank Womble opines on Stereophile:
Perhaps the editors at Stereophile Magazine aren't really witless after all, and are just following P.T. Barnum's dictum. One reaches the inescapable conclusion that an "audiophile" is a person with more money than brains.
I think they should feature the DVD rewinder in their mag with a favorable review. (Or perhaps they already do; I refuse to read their drivel.) Anyone who thinks that non-ferrous LPs can somehow be demagnetized would surely buy the argument that DVDs need to be rewound. See the link: ehostsolution.com/shop/DVD+Rewinder.
In last week’s item on Dover Publications turning out an obviously quack-based book (see www.randi.org/jr/2006-11/111706rampa.html#i3). I failed to mention that the genius doctor Bates actually told his dupes to look directly into the Sun for long periods, which leads us to wonder how many of his readers went blind rather than experiencing the promised improvement in their eyesight. Obviously, the potential of serious eye damage for naïve purchasers of this book, cannot be ignored.
Lawrie Cherniack was one of our readers who wrote a letter of complaint to Tracy McDonald, Customer Care Specialist for Dover Publications. He received this response from Ms. McDonald:
Dear Mr. Cherniack,
Thank you for contacting Dover Publications regarding one of our items, Clara Hackett's book on the Bates system.
While there is some controversy regarding the Bates system, it does have its proponents as well as its detractors, and on balance we feel it does have a place in the self-help literature.
We appreciate your feedback about this title. If I can be of further assistance, please contact me at tracy_mcdonald@doverpublications.com, and I will gladly respond.
As we might expect, Lawrie was anything but satisfied with this token/stock answer to an alarmed individual. He fired back:
Dear Ms McDonald,
I am very disturbed by your reply. To say the Bates system has its proponents is no answer at all. So did and do people who believe in genocide, in the inferiority of people of color, and of other terrible beliefs. Please read your own publication, Fads and Fallacies in the Name of Science for a complete debunking of the Bates system. There is no scientific literature that says that it works, and much that says that it can't work. Dover Publications has such a proud history of publishing books that cause people to think. By publishing a book about the Bates system, you may be persuading people to avoid getting the medical attention they need.
I am sending a copy of this to James Randi, who has told his readership that Martin Gardner is very upset with Dover Publications.
I am very disappointed in your answer.
The question arises: if Dover Publications had published a book advocating the ingestion of calomel [Hg2Cl2, mercurous chloride] and the administration of bleeding, – both once accepted as positive “self-help” items in popular medicine, and widely used, would Ms. McDonald have responded similarly? These two procedures brought about death; the Bates Method merely results in blindness.
That same SWIFT item invoked a piece of welcome news from reader Mike Ruskai, reporting an action from the Iowa Attorney General's consumer fraud agency bringing a lawsuit against a Fairfield, Iowa, company. We ask Ms. McDonald to also consider this pertinent fact about what Dover has published. Mike reports that the Polk County District Court has ordered Vision Improvement Technologies, Inc. (VIT), who were peddling a so-called natural vision improvement kit – a resurrection of the Bates quackery – called the "See Clearly Method" – to stop all sales of its product as of November 1st, to cease business altogether by December 22nd, and to pay $200,000 for consumer restitution, plus an additional $20,000 to a group of aged citizen customers. This action resulted from a consumer fraud lawsuit filed last year by the Iowa Attorney General which alleged that the company could not substantiate claims that the "See Clearly Method" improved people's vision so much that they’d no longer need glasses or contact lenses.
The product was a kit of manuals, charts, videos and audio-tapes demonstrating eye exercises and other techniques, such as focusing eyes using special charts or props, facing a bright light with eyes closed at a distance of a few inches, “cupping” eyes with the hands for sustained periods, and applying hot and cold cloths over closed eyes. This is a blatant rip-off of the Bates Method from the 1920s; it’s straight from the Bates book, and repeats what appears in the Dover book! Since 2000, tens of thousands of kits were sold by VIT for about $350 apiece through radio, television, and print ads, and a web site, www.seeclearlymethod.com. Click on that and see the satisfying results…
The defendants also agreed under the Consent Judgment that records obtained by the Attorney General in the litigation and investigation will be treated as public records. Now, that’s an even more satisfying result, I can tell you! Why is it, then, that other scam artists who are forced out of business, can keep their records secret from the media and researchers? In most cases, their going out of business is only a minor disappointment, since they’ve made their fortunes and can now retire – perhaps with a new hairpiece and dark glasses…
My question: What will Dover Publications do now about their foray into deception through turning out the scam book on eye treatments? Or do they care? I have kept them informed of the developments on the matter. We’ll see…
No, this isn’t the long-anticipated photo series of Sylvia Browne in the bathtub, though that sure would sell tickets. Reader Laura Stallmann notifies us:
I thought that just in case you didn't know and want a good laugh, I just got my latest issue of Sylvia's Newsletter and here’s what it said:
Sylvia will guest star on daytime soap opera next month!
Sylvia has done it all – and now's she's about to debut on the Soaps! At press time, we learned that Sylvia will make a special guest appearance on the popular daytime soap opera "The Young and the Restless." She just returned from taping the show in Los Angeles in late October.
No other details were available on Sylvia's character – the character she’s playing, that is – or whether this will be a recurring role. Sylvia's guest appearance on the show will air in early December. I haven't yet, but it also says "for the latest details, sneak previews, and episode schedule for ‘The Young and the Restless’ visit www.cbs.com/daytime/yr.”
I hope Laura doesn’t think that through this association with the “soaps,” Sylvia will be “coming clean” or will be “washed up” in any respect. She’s the darling of any sponsors who want to sell a product and don’t care whether they’re damaging their potential customers through misinformation. Money talks louder than ethics, once more. And I suspect that the marketing mindset is that the silly women who watch such mindless “drama” will also accept Sylvia Browne’s drivel?
Ah, but there’s more on The Nails! (Can you see the parallel expressed in this photo of Sylvia and a bird?) A reader notes that she’s now offering to teach hypnosis (long ooooh!) to the gullible. She’s a woman of such breadth of experience in woo-woo, that she’s reaching into this grab-bag of loot, too! From her announcement:
World Renowned Psychic, Spiritual Teacher and pioneer in the Art of Hypnosis/Past Life Regressions, Sylvia Browne has been using Hypnosis as a spiritual tool to help people heal and enhance their lives for over 45 years. Sylvia has trained her ministers in the Society of Novus Spiritus in the art and science of hypnosis.
NOW Sylvia’s hypnotists will train YOU to use her time proven hypnosis techniques.
We’re very excited to announce the opening of the Sylvia Browne Hypnosis Training Center! Hypnosis is a powerful tool that has been used for thousands of years by healers, priests, shamans and now in modern times by the medical profession to aid in physical, emotional and spiritual healing. By bridging the gap between body, mind and spirit, hypnotists assist the client in making positive life changes. Now YOU can learn to use this incredible spiritual tool!
Then we get the big attraction:
Reduced price of $1,800.
Sign me up! Can’t resist snapping at that carrot…!
We’ve received numerous inquiries about the Randi doll that we’re now offering for sale – about which I failed to provide details last week. Here’s an updated photo of the 12-inch doll – complete with the real metal ratchet handcuffs, proper spectacles, and the secret (un-named) concealed feature which only the buyer can discover. I’m wearing a sedate black tie and white shirt under the jacket. Also note the three official super-sharp stainless-steel voodoo pins – placement optional for the owner, with instructions included. Every home should have this item, as part of an international test of voodoo; I will be reporting each and every sharp pain I experience from this project as delighted experimenters skewer my poor body – by proxy! – with true scientific zeal. And the price? For only US$24 plus $4 postage and handling, you can own one of these items, which will arrive in the properly supine position in an appropriately coffin-shaped container. You can go to our JREF Store page www.randi.org/shopping/index.html#doll to simplify your task…
(Confession: this is a converted and substantially enhanced, trimmed, improved, Charles Darwin doll. Maybe some day they’ll be converting Randi dolls into Santa Claus puppets, but maybe not…)
I hope this finishes the lightbulb marathon…
Hal Bidlack asks:
Q: How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: one...
George Rohrbaugh, Alexandria, Pennsylvania:
Q: How many dowsers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten, because only 1 in 10 can locate the new bulb, and only once in 10 tries.
Q: How long does it take Sylvia Browne to change a lightbulb?
A: Forever. She realizes she can't do it, and just stumbles around in the dark.
From an anonymous source:
Q: How many presidential aides does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, the president likes being in the dark.
Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the lightbulb; its condition is improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That lightbulb has served honorably, and anything you say against it undermines the lighting effect and dims its ego. Why do you hate America?
And closing the matter in style, this groaner from Rich Romano in Brooklyn:
Q: How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: A fish.
Reader Donn Ingle found an example of someone else’s disenchantment with our Patent & Trademark Office:
I saw this link on an RSS feed from Planet Ubuntu at http://tinyurl.com/yb3bj3. I confess that I tried to read the thing, but got lost in the abstract abstract! Nevertheless, the real truth is revealed in point 9 of the claim:
9. The method of providing user interface displays in an image forming apparatus which is really a bogus claim included amongst real claims, and which should be removed before filing; wherein the claim is included to determine if the inventor actually read the claims and the inventor should instruct the attorneys to remove the claim.
Which has something to tell us about how the patent system is manipulated.
Have you got that patent on the circle yet?
PS: The original blog link is here: http://blog.digital-scurf.org/2006/11/21#sometimes-patents-amuse
It seems that Uri Geller was in Israel doing a TV show that was advertised as an attempt by him to find a successor. It was rather obvious that this would be an attempt by The Spoonbender to demonstrate that no one could achieve his success with cutlery, mentalism tricks, and/or general chutzpah, by parading a series of losers before the cameras. According to correspondent Avital Pilpel, that’s just what happened:
Geller's show got a rather lousy review. The reviewer in today's paper said about Saturday's show, inter alia, that:
1). The only paranormal power the would-be-Gellers on the show have is to bore the viewer so much that they make time stand still.
2). Geller should use his paranormal powers to explain what possessed the producers to make this show in the first place.
3). The reviewer only stayed watching till the end "to see if they would distribute bamba [a peanut snack very popular among children in Israel] at the end," implying that the "paranormal" powers exhibited by the contestants were conjuring tricks so obviously amateurish, that this could only be appropriate for kiddie parties.
Next week, we’ll have some further reports from Mr. Pilpel on Geller’s show…
Finally, this hilarious photo was sent to me by Jack Sarfatti (see www.randi.org/jr/2006-10/100613who.html#i16 and www.randi.org/jr/2006-10/100620sentient.html#i1) and the caption explains it all. The ground is littered with bent spoons – evidence of the awesome power wielded by this “PSI commando squad” – and the shot could have been taken right out of “The Matrix”… or, the comedy, “Men in Black.” For these strange folks, where does reality get left behind to let fantasy in, or do they make any differentiation…?
