We all have hobbies, some stranger than others. Not too long ago, just about every kid regularly slipped into a gi and was whisked off to martial arts school. Years ago, I discovered that all sorts of fraud was taking place in this business, and I recall that I offered to do a fake martial-arts demo for a local audience in New Jersey. I opted to teach an inexperienced 10-year-old how to do the "power" stunts associated with less-than-authentic practitioners of this lucrative profession. Let me make it clear: I respect the discipline taught to students, but I denounce the use of carnival tricks to sell the idea.

I went to my nearby lumber-yard and asked for some 1" X 8" X 14" pine boards, and the clerk immediately asked if I wanted them for karate demonstrations. Yes, I said, and I wanted the grain going across the boards, not along the length. Well, he told me, we have those already cut, for karate schools — but be careful not to let them bounce around in the car, because they split very easily....

He also told me they carried paving-bricks specially made for the schools, too. These were very high in sand-content, he said, so they crumbled easily.

I already knew all this, because I'd salvaged broken boards and cement-blocks from the dumpster behind the studio where the Merv Griffin Show was taped, in Hollywood. This was a poorly-kept secret at the time, and I've an idea that the same gimmicks are still being used. I note now that on evangelical TV shows, when they want to show the power of true faith, they have muscle-bound "athletes" breaking huge blocks of ice with their heads and elbows. Same kind of outright deception: the ice has to be handled with great care, because it breaks very readily.

Note the illustration shown here. Careful editing has removed the support-points of the stack of slabs — and I've indicated those points by red inserts. Is it any wonder that this pile of special blocks breaks easily? The retoucher should have also removed some of the loose sand that's been shaken from the material....

Anyone can do this. It's a simple stunt. It's not a miracle. It's a fake.

Here's an excellent example, long circulated on the Internet, of just how easily statistics can lie. Just substitute subjects, and you can apply this "logic" to any paranormal claim. Though I've made a few additions and changes, this is featured on the Central Iowa Skeptics Web site, www.dangerousideas.net.:

Statistics Can Be Dangerous!

1. In the period 1999-2000, it was found that more than 98 percent of convicted felons were bread users.
2. In that same period, fully half of all children who grew up in bread-consuming households scored below average on standardized IQ and physical tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high, and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. Statistics show that more than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of the perpetrator eating bread.
5. Bread has been proven to be highly addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
6. Bread is a "gateway" food item, frequently leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 200 degrees Celsius! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
10. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

A mysterious "John WW" has written on the Internet:

Most pseudo-sceptic fanatic debunkers of not only astrology, but also other "controversial" fields such as UFOs and free-energy and psychic research, which threaten the continuance of the corrupt established economic and political order are, I am sure, are hired and paid handsomely by the CIA (or DIA, NSA, FBI, or NRO), or in the UK by MI5/MI6, for their tirades of abuse against serious, objective researchers. They include the likes of Phil Klass, the late Dr Donald Menzel (who was in the MJ -12 group), James Randi, Denis Dutton, and the like.

Well, John, ya got me! But I'm also paid by the IBL, the NNW, and the ZSL. These are such secret societies that even their members don't know about them. As I said to Don Menzel just last week (he's living in Argentina with Enrico Caruso) "Don, one of these days, John WW is gonna tell everyone!" So now you've done it. Drat!

Gotta go now and count some more of that money....

Since we've toyed here with the idea that maybe Uri Geller's attempts — rather unsuccessful, it appears — to affect sporting events in the U.K. just might be unsporting, or ever unethical, I bring to your attention the fortunate position in which Geller finds himself, in comparison to what he might encounter in the Republic of Maldives, where a "match-fixer" witch has been jailed for five months after being found guilty of using black magic to win a football match! The headline read, "BLACK MAGIC MATCH FIXER JAILED." Witchdoctor Mr. Abdullah Haleelu was imprisoned for "practicing voodoo without a permit."

Now, I don't know whether Mr. Geller has a valid, updated, voodoo permit for the U.K., or whether such a license is even required there, but burying charmed crystals at night sure seems to cry out for some sort of regulation, don't you think?

Mr. Haleelu had been hired by the New Radiant Football Club (note the similarity to "Reading Football Club"! "New Radiant" can be re-arranged to "Nawt Readin"!) to help them win the Maldives FA Cup final against rivals Valencia, and to that end, he performed a witch ritual involving eggs, tokens, coconut shells, and verses from the Koran — and got the right result! Our illustration here shows snakes and chickens, but that might be a different magic spell these guys are working on. Hey, Uri, break out the eggs and coconuts. And maybe some Rudyard Kipling: "You're a better man than I am, Abdullah Heleelu." You'll get it right, I'm sure, if you work with Mr. Haleelu when he gets out in January.....

A certain person out there has been having a difficult time understanding the JREF million-dollar challenge. He refers to "the protocol," which is difficult to understand simply because any protocol will vary for every claim made, and no specific protocol is outlined in the published rules, because of that fact. Concerning my proposed testing of the notion called "the Human Energy Field" (HEF), a force which is said by those who claim to do "therapeutic touch" (TT), to surround the body and be palpable to the TT practitioner, he says:

When I say "James Randi Protocol", I am referring to the principle of testing the claimant against their actual claim as opposed to a claim made by the tester in their behalf.

Hold on. Of course I want to test the "actual claim"! What else would I test? I have never made any claim on any applicant's behalf. How could I? But an "example" is given by this befuddled one:

For example, if someone says he can detect an HEF at a hand distance of 2-inches, it would not be ethical for a skeptic to test him at a 6-inch hand distance and proclaim that his failure under those conditions discredits him.

Agreed. Absolutely. Enthusiastically. But he continues:

The "Randi Protocol" to which I'm referring is the principle of getting the test subject's buy in that what is being tested is something he claims to be able to do. I'm talking about a principle of being honest with the person being tested, as opposed to a "sting".

I've no idea what that first sentence refers to, and again, on the second sentence, I enthusiastically agree. I don't see where we disagree.

Whether James Randi himself showboats, whether he can be trusted to conduct a fair test with a million dollars at stake, etc. etc. etc. are other issues entirely.

Yes, I do a certain amount of "showboating." It's my nature. I'm a showman. So sue me.

This "whether he can be trusted" angle, however, we can eliminate here and now, in as few as 100 words: since my tests are designed and approved independently from me, and are, and must be, accepted without reservation by the applicant, after which the tests are carried out by an independent party, I remove myself entirely from any part of the process that would call for me to be "trusted." This is common sense, it is rational, it is fair, and it is necessary. Gee, that was well within 100 words.....!

I will add that all my test designs call for the subject to perform a set of trials in which the security is removed, to assure that the subject can perform under the mutually accepted conditions. At that point, we then would proceed to the secure set of trials. In the HEF tests described above, I would do a set in which the subject sees clearly whether the HEF should be detectable at whatever distance and frequency we've agreed upon, and I would require 100% success in that set before going ahead. Understood? But, moving on....

I haven't always felt this way, but due to actions and statements by certain skeptics I must say that at this point in time I do not approve of skeptics using the reluctance of paranormalists to take on the Randi challenge (or similar challenges by other skeptics) as evidence against their claims.

Speaking for myself, I only say that reluctance to take up my challenge indicates — strongly — that they know they may not be able to meet the requirements of the challenge. It does not prove that their claims are spurious, nor have I ever claimed this, but they certainly could prove that they're not spurious, simply by taking up the challenge. What's not clear here? And just what are the unspecified "actions and statements" referred to, and who are the "certain skeptics" involved? Surely we need to know these details, so that we can clear up this failure to communicate?

He continues:

I am not saying that I believe Randi or the others would cheat. I doubt they would.

That makes me feel warm and gushy all over. But we don't have to cheat. Again, speaking for myself, the way I do it, any cheating — by any or either party — is not possible. Read the rules.

No, what I am saying is that given the behavior of certain high-profile individuals who refer to themselves as skeptics I no longer consider paranormalists unreasonable not to trust skeptics.

Again, who are these "certain high-profile individuals who refer to themselves as skeptics"? Okay. Now that you are aware of the realities, are the paranormalists still "unreasonable not to trust" this skeptic? Remember, all my protocol is scrupulously monitored, by any persons required by the subject....

Our questioner protests further:

If I were an African American with a high IQ, I wouldn't want to be given an IQ test designed and administered by the Ku Klux Klan.

Well, if I were involved in such a matter, (a) the Afro-American — of any degree of IQ, not only a high IQ, because we don't know that, yet! — would have to absolutely agree that the test is properly and fairly designed, or suggest changes agreeable to all, and (b) the test would be have to be implemented by a double-blinded means using an independent party. That way, a Ku Klux Klanner in a bed-sheet could not bias the test in any way. The bed-sheet alone, indicates his IQ.....

Am I beginning to get through? Somehow, I'm afraid that I can't, with some people.

Let it be known that I have always been great fans of the Smothers Brothers. But I was disappointed to learn, from a prominent friend in showbusiness, that when he recently did a gig with them, Dick Smothers insisted that my friend needed to take a "12 Step Program," even though he doesn't drink, "to get in touch with a higher power." Smothers said that he was "born again," but had had "experience with agnostics," a term which doesn't even begin to describe my friends disdain of religion. Smothers, like a true zealot, talked incessantly about his minister, then topped it all off with the proud assertion that his wife lectures on Feng Shui. What is it with some folks, as they approach dissolution? Is the fear so great?

When I was urged to get a "message board" in place here, I was only mildly enthused over the idea. Shows how wrong I can be. The "JREF Forum" (as of 9:30 AM EST on August 10th) represents 36 countries, with 548 registered members, 138 subjects, and 60,028 page hits so far, all inside of one week! The countries are:

Australia, Brazil, Brunei, Canada, Chile, China, Costa Rica, Denmark, Dubai, England, Eritrea, Finland, Germany, Greece, Iceland, India, Iran, Ireland, Israel, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, Russia, Scotland, Singapore, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, USA, Venezuela, Yugoslavia.

In a word, "Wow!"

(I'll be away in Australia for two weeks, and the page changes are with webmaster Jeff, who will drop them in on the 17th and the 24th.)