July 26, 2002

Strange Judgement, Annoying Geller, Free Astrology!, Famous Cemetery, Lucian Part 2, Alex in Greek, and London!

Reader/magician Larry Thornton of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, offers us this article. He discusses the bizarre attitude shown by one Loyd Auerbach, a parapsychologist who delights — as do most of the ghost-hunters — in running about old houses with overly-sensitive electronic equipment which reacts to almost any variance in the area. This makes such folks look scientific, and gives him lots of graphs and numbers to which great significance can then be assigned. A simple cool draft becomes fraught with beyond-the-grave meaning, a creak assumes fearful proportions, and if anything shows up that is not exactly called for, or is unexpected, that is read as first-rate proof of a disembodied entity being in residence. Of course, if the house is drafty and creaky, that helps....

SCOUTING THE FRINGE

There is a popular late-night American radio talk show called "Coast to Coast," that is run by former rock music DJ Art Bell, with various other "fill-in" moderators. It specializes in the paranormal, and features guests that run the gamut from UFO paranoids, to psychics, mediums, ghost hunters, religious zealots, anti-gravity buffs, time travel fanatics, "new-science" revisionists, economic and natural-disaster doom-thumpers, and soothsayers of all kinds.

This only scratches the surface of this nutty show, which claims to have an audience numbering some twenty million listeners nightly, and we're told it is the largest, most popular late-night radio talk show in the world. Occasionally, VERY occasionally, Coast to Coast will feature serious mainstream scientists and journalists who eschew all of the nonsense this show is famous for. These guests provide, instead, a refreshingly educational few hours of good banter with the host, late into the night. During what I'll call these "better nights," we might hear popular physicist Michio Kaku, Dr. Sheth Shostak of the S.E.T.I. Institute, or Fuzzy Logic expert Bart Kosko, just to name a few. Not all such guests are totally mainstream in their thinking; Kosko, for example, has plans to be frozen in liquid nitrogen upon his death, with the hope that future science will be able to revive him.

Oddly, a larger percentage of programs will have guests who seem to "bridge the divide" between "flim-flam" charlatanism and outright legitimate science — and it is these times when the challenge is put upon the viewer's education, to determine if they are being HOODWINKED or not! There's nothing quite like the bizarre sensation of hearing some "expert" with an impressive list of scientific credentials and apparent reputation, dispense legitimate science out of one side of his or her mouth, while simultaneously spewing fantastic pseudoscientific nonsense out of the other side!

An example: On July 18, 2002, the featured guest on Coast to Coast was Loyd Auerbach. And who is Loyd Auerbach, you ask? He says he is a paranormal researcher and a former comedy-magician-turned-mentalist. A brief introduction from Art Bell's web site tells us:

Loyd Auerbach is Director of the Office of Paranormal Investigations. He is also President of the California Society for Psychical Study, and has been one of the very few parapsychologists active in both psychical research and mentalists' and magicians' organizations. For over 22 years, he has been investigating cases of reported paranormal phenomena.

Mr. Auerbach (who claims formal training in anthropology) is the author of such books as, "Mind Over Matter," "Esp, Hauntings, and Poltergeists," "Psychic Dreaming," and "Reincarnation, Channeling and Possession."

Randi notes: What is this "Office of Paranormal Investigations" that Auerbach directs? Well, though it sounds like something imbedded in the Federal government somewhere, it's just him. He has a voicemail phone, and that's it. He'll get back to you.....

The last three books are each subtitled, "A Parapsychologist's Handbook." Loyd states he is the president of the PEA — Psychic Entertainers Association. He adds that he started out as a comedy magician, then gradually switched over to psychic entertainment. I should mention here, that I subscribe to a web service that allows me to listen to "streaming audio" of back-broadcasts, any of which I can record for my own future listening pleasure, hence the accuracy of this report. All comments by Loyd Auerbach are in quotes, starting with:

Many of the mentalists out there do have psychic experiences of their own, and are really believers in this stuff, contrary to what Randi will tell you. . . . Much of what folks do in the world of magic and mentalism has no application whatever in the real world. [Consequently] it's impossible to see through it, but it's not impossible to learn. The mentalists are doing entertainment. And as long as they're doing good entertainment, they're not scamming anybody.

Randi notes: I'm very well aware that there are mentalists out there who are self-deluded enough to believe that they could do what they do without tricks, if only they could get the hang of it. Again Auerbach is assigning opinions and quotes to me that do not exist. And, many of those mentalists sell themselves as the real thing, which I see as outright fraud and deceit.

The interviewer, fill-in host George Noory, told the listening audience that Loyd is also the director of the Office of Paranormal Investigations in the San Francisco Bay Area. Loyd: "We do scientific investigations of all the evidence, taking into consideration people's feelings, as opposed to those who just want to get the facts and run." Loyd believes possession by spirits — as in "exorcism" — is a myth. "People are possessed by 'spirits' of their own making." In other words, they're delusional.

Claiming not to believe in actual possession by spirits (if I heard him correctly; it's not always easy to determine intent), he does believe in poltergeist phenomena, adding that he's personally seen objects move mysteriously right in front of him. He described poltergeist phenomena as "physical objects moving, flying around, and computers, etc. malfunctioning. [The phenomenon] is a kind of psychokinetic, or mind-over-matter 'temper tantrum,' with the people present acting as a `poltergeist agent'." Loyd then stated he was going to be putting out a video tape that'll be marketed on the Internet, to be called "Haunted America."

Randi comments: Strange. I've often heard people suggest that their malfunctioning computers are "possessed," or "haunted," which is the easy way of explaining the simple fact that computers are complicated, imperfect, machines. Now the supernatural explanation has been verified by a parapsychologist!

He believes in ghosts, and talks about dead sailors staying around on battleships; and he goes on "ghost tours" during Hallowe'en, giving lectures to college students. Asked about the remarkable "powers" of the Ouija Board, Mr. Auerbach brushed it off disdainfully with, "Oh, you mean that game by Parker Brothers that can only be found in toy stores?" He then said it was derived from a 19th-century parlor game with ordinary glasses and objects. He attributed the Ouija Board's "success" to either pushing it around deliberately (which Loyd said he used to do as a kid to fool his friends) or through what he called subconscious subliminal movements by its operators.

Randi asks: Is it just possible that Loyd is still fooling his friends — and others?

When asked how a person could learn more about psychic phenomena or become a researcher themselves, Loyd listed the institutions he thought most worthy of contacting: The Institute of Noetic Sciences, the Rhine Research Center, The Parapsychological Foundation, The American Society for Psychical Research, and The Society for Psychical Research in England. A phone caller then asked him about his opinions on "psychic medium" John Edward and his popular television program, "Crossing Over." Mr. Auerbach stated that he was always being asked about Edward; he then gave a commentary on Edward that I felt was "priceless" for its meandering vagueness — a vagueness that suggested to me that Loyd didn't want to take a firm stand one way or the other: "It is a TV show, and as such, is entertainment. Whether it is guesswork or just plain phony, doesn't matter."

He praised Edward's "dazzling shots" with researchers at the University of Arizona [Gary Schwartz], under what Loyd termed "much more stringent conditions." He then ended with the most enigmatic comment on Edward that I have ever heard:

The other side of that, I just want to say, is that if someone is a really good phony — if you're really good as a phony, let's face it, whatever you do should look as if you are real. And if you are real, it's going to look like what a phony does. . . . If the information given out is worthwhile, what does it matter?

We apparently know more than Auerbach does about those "dazzling shots" by Edward. To Gary Schwartz, anything is dazzling. He's very easily dazzled, and we might add, hornswoggled and hoodwinked. Edward had an easy job selling his mysteries to Gary.....

Summary: Magicians, and especially mentalists, are not anywhere close to being absolute skeptics, as Mr. Auerbach seems to accuse Randi of believing. Mentalists run the full spectrum from total skeptic to total believer ["wink-wink!" — or not!]. And many self-professed experts and researchers are masters at obfuscating the worth of the "competition" to the extent that — in the final analysis — you can't really tell what the heck they think of the paranormalists.

Can veteran psychics John Edward, James Van Praagh, Sylvia Browne, or any of the dozens of up-and-coming psychic mediums, actually COMMUNICATE with the dead? Asking a professional psychic researcher these days, can sometimes be tantamount to asking a major oil company when they're going to start mass producing electric cars. Answers are rarely forthcoming that can be said to be totally honest, sincere, and clearly unambiguous. As is the case with Auerbach, many experts on the paranormal have also spawned a hugely successful cottage industry out of books, articles, tapes, lectures, paranormal investigations, web sites, radio and television publicity, and even (like Auerbach) — entertaining with mentalism. The philosophy of these "experts" can be summed up as, "Whatever works to bring in the money."

And if some of these researchers appear, indeed, to have sincere scientific concerns, most such concerns seem to languish in the foggy backwaters of that philosophy. Since the general public is so poorly educated in matters concerning both mainstream science and the paranormal, this often results in an easy exploitation of their gullibility. Clever opportunists on both sides of the "ethical" fence can make a ton of money out of this situation.

And it's not likely to change in any foreseeable future.


New York Daily News columnists George Rush and Joanna Molloy recently ran a piece by which I believe Uri Geller might not be amused. Geller had called The News to make them an offer, and they returned his call. This is the result, reproduced here with permission....

Geller Set to Spoon-Feed Jacko Tales.

Sales of crystals and pendants must be plummeting. Psychic Uri Geller, who hawks such wares, is now trying to cash in on his friendship with protesting popster Michael Jackson. The self-described "telepathist, clairvoyant, and metal bender" contacted us, saying he wanted to tell anecdotes about his pal in a piece that he would write for us. It'd be a positive piece — but his loyalty to Jackson would come at a price.

"This is how it's gonna work," Geller told us when we called his London office. "I usually charge a pound sterling [about $1.55] per word for my columns. I know that, syndication-wise, all my stories are grabbed immediately. So for selling it worldwide, the break will have to be 60/40 from the gross — 60 for me, 40 for you guys."

Geller claimed that he donates "most of the money" from his writing to charity. The spoon-bending shill praised Jackson, who's battling Sony Records over its promotion of his record "Invincible," for daring to spell out the big taboo of the music world — "that this is a black industry dressed in a white hood." Oh-kay. Geller offered e-mail anecdotes to shed light on the dethroned King of Pop. "He loves to spend," Geller wrote. "He makes Mike Tyson look like a miser."

"Michael never lets a coarse word escape his lips, but delights in other people's ribaldry. Mohammed Al-Fayed, who owns Harrods, winds him up deliberately, cursing, while Michael giggles, `Oooh Mohammed! Ooooooh, Mo-HAMMED!' " Asked if Michael had given his approval for Geller to write on his behalf, the mentalist said brusquely, "I can write whatever I want to. I don't have to get an okay from him. I'm not his controller and he's not mine."

While not writing on psychic phenomena, Geller runs his own cottage industry on his Web site, urigeller.com. Fans can buy Uri Geller's Mindpower Kit for just $625; 100% silk shirts worn by Geller go for $135; and a life cast of Geller's hand is yours for a mere $3,000.

Act now.

Gee. I don't think that price for the Mindpower Kit is right. For inclusion in our Museum of Horrors, I bought it for just $8 — marked down from $19.95 — with its magical "Orange Spot" that will "attract good fortune and health," the same way that wearing "an orange scarf or underwear" will, according to the instruction book. Kinky! A really scrappy, dirty, broken, quartz crystal also came with the kit. From Amazon.com you can get the Kit, used, for just $1.49 plus shipping....

(My count of Geller's words used here comes to 126. That's $195.30 they owe the mystic....)

Words like "self-described" and "spoon-bending shill" can't fail to arouse Geller's litigious itch, I'm sure. Warnings and suggestions of dire retribution should be arriving at the New York Daily News any moment now....


Reader Joe Damico comments on a recent piece here:

I was not at all surprised to read that science students and TAs [teaching assistants] believed in magnetic therapy. I teach high school biology and never cease to be amazed at the number of science teachers (let alone the students) I have come across who believe this stuff.

I must also agree with Ed about the lack of scientific training in today's curriculum. Our ministry of education has recently developed new curriculum, and the emphasis is on quantity of information. One of the only places for thinking in the curriculum is in the applications of scientific ideas to create new technologies. Students are bombarded with one amazing fact after another, with very little time to think about what they are learning, or to investigate the method used to discover and test those facts. Tell someone that Magnetic Resonance Imaging can be used to see inside the human body, without trying to actually explain it, and it's not surprising that they will believe that magnets will heal. With all the information being crammed down their throats (because more must be better) without the opportunity to question, are we really surprised that they have stopped asking questions altogether?


On the "free" part of an astrology site (www.qksrv.net/click-653411-8809476), I was given an "introduction" to the splendid services I could obtain if I paid for a fuller "karmic" version. Judging from the startling vapidity of this free sample, I just don't feel inclined to put any money on the table. Perhaps readers will share my reluctance. Read this, revealed to the astrologer through nothing more than the wonders of The Ancient Art, based on the actual time, date, and location of my birth:

The effects of past life experiences can carry over into your current life, accounting for interests, habits and even phobias that defy explanation by conventional methods. This report examines possible past life connections using astrological methods. It is not intended to be taken as a complete interpretation of your birth chart; it looks at your chart from only one perspective. It is written in simple language, avoiding the use of astrological terms as much as possible. For the interest of students of astrology, relevant astrological references are made at the top of each section.

Nodes of the Moon — Your Karmic Doorways

The point on a horoscope chart called the North Node of the Moon is not actually a planet, but can be thought of as a doorway from your current life to your future. And, its opposite point (the South Node of the Moon) can be thought of as a doorway from your past life to your current one. These two sensitive points can show you what goals you are concerned with in this life, James, and what habits from prior lives are holding you back from reaching those goals.

North Node of the Moon in Gemini: In a prior life, James, you were a complete free spirit, letting the wind take you wherever you wanted to go, without concern for others. You traveled far on spiritual or philosophical quests, gaining knowledge wherever you went. Your thirst for knowledge for a number of lifetimes has left you unfocused. You see all of possibilities, James, but can not see the whole picture. If you can see a complete picture, you have difficulty seeing yourself in relationship to it. You have possibly spent lifetimes as a religious mystic, philosopher, academic or even a transient. There is a tendency to spread yourself so thin that your constant activities keep you from determining your purpose in this life. In this lifetime, James, you beginning a socialization process.

In prior lives, you were not concerned about what you said or the effects of your words. Truth at all costs was your motto. This time, you are aware that brutal honesty can be offensive to others. So, you are more careful about the words you choose, the time you speak and your gestures. Still, sometimes, you prior life's bad habits show up at inopportune moments. In order to maintain balance between your two karmic doorways, you need to integrate yourself back into society. Learn that knowledge is wonderful, James, but becomes meaningless when not used for your improvement or for the improvement of others.

That's it, that's all, folks. For more of this heavy wisdom, I'd have had to pay. Now, I admit, I've always had problems with those karmic doorways. Also, "brutal honesty" has been one of my vices. And those "bad habits" of my many prior lives.... well, I don't want to get into those.

Being brutally honest, I'd like to boot these silly folks though a karmic doorway and demonstrate my bad habit of derisive laughter.....


Reader Éti Labrie comments on the parallel between "psychic" techniques and evolution that recently appeared here.....

Another element that occurs in evolution and cold reading that your reader Michael McCarron forgot to mention is the overmultiplication at any given time. Each species spawns more young than can survive. Eventually, only the best of these survive. That's the same exact thing with psychics: they multiply ideas of the same kind so much that one is bound to be true.

And, Jeff Corey of the New York Area Skeptics, on the same item, suggests that

. . . there is a similar analogy in behavioral science between "shaping" and cold reading. Shaping is the process where a new behavior is trained by reinforcing successive approximations of that behavior. Training a lab rat to press a lever in an operant conditioning chamber involves giving it food pellets when it is active near the lever at first, then only delivering the food when it gets closer and closer to pressing the lever. Paws on the wall above the lever, paws on the lever, harder and harder presses on the level — until the lever is pressed hard enough to cause the food to be delivered automatically. A hit!

The difference is that the skillful cold reader allows the sitter to shape the reader's responses. The feedback from the sitter allows the reader to produce guesses that are closer and closer approximations of a hit. Another advantage the reader has, is that there are multiple definitions of a hit, so if John Edward says, "I'm getting an older male...", the sitter can jump in with, "My Grandpa!" (or uncle, brother-in-law, or Judge Crater) and it's a hit!


I recently thought about a visit I made years ago to the world-famous Père-Lachaise Cemetery, in Paris. I was there filming with an NBC-TV crew, for some reason I don't now remember. This is a unique and powerful place, one to which celebrities aspire to retire. I recall how amazed I was to see the sites where the remains of such legends as Sarah Bernhardt, Jim Morrison, Oscar Wilde, Edith Piaf, Modigliani, Chopin, and Balzac, rest. Wilde's tomb is topped with a very strong sculpture by Jacob Epstein that was commissioned by an anonymous donor and vandalized years ago; a prominent penis was broken off, and for a time served the superintendent of the cemetery as an effective paperweight. Now you know.....

I noticed that Morrison's tomb was strewn with flowers, as was that of one Allan Kardec, a famous Brazilian spiritualist whose story we will look into on this site, anon. There were two women at the Kardec tomb, praying and chanting. The strange thing is that the very next day, that tomb was bombed, blown to fragments, by a person or persons unknown. No one was ever identified as the culprit, and I was provably in London by then....


Last week we gave you Part One of the exposé by Lucian of the con-man Alexander of Abonutichus, who vilified his detractors for their skepticism. Lucian was writing to his friend Celsus. At this point in the story, we find Alexander operating on his own, and he has just worked a scam on the citizens of the city in which he "discovered" a goose egg in the foundation of a temple site. This then "hatched" into a tiny reptile that was supposed to be the god Asclepius. With this stunt, he'd caused the kind of sensation he expected, and his career as an oracle was off to a good start. A fake snake-head had been fashioned, with a human-appearing face. Lucian of Samosata continues, in Part two of his essay:

Our hero now departed homewards, still running, with the new-born Asclepius in his hands — the twice-born, too, whereas ordinary men can be born but once, and born moreover not of Coronis, nor even of her namesake the crow, but of a goose! After him streamed the whole crowd, in all the madness of fanatic hopes. He now kept to the house for some days, in hopes that the Paphlagonians would soon be drawn in hordes by the news. He was not disappointed; the city was filled to overflowing with persons who had neither brains nor individuality, who bore no resemblance to men that live by bread, and had only their outward shape to distinguish them from sheep.

Randi comments: though it's not made clear by Lucian, a few days passed between the "discovery" and the assembly of the crowd, enough time for the tiny god-reptile to have miraculously grown into an adult.

In a small room he took his seat, very imposingly attired, upon a couch. He took into his bosom our Asclepius of Pella (a very fine and large one, as I observed), wound its body round his neck, and let its tail hang down; there was enough of this not only to fill his lap, but to trail on the ground also; the patient creature's head he kept hidden in his armpit, showing the linen head on one side of his beard exactly as if it belonged to the visible body. Picture to yourself a little chamber into which no very brilliant light was admitted, with a crowd of people from all quarters, excited, carefully worked up, all a-flutter with expectation. As they came in, they might naturally find a miracle in the development of that little crawling thing of a few days ago into this great, tame, human-looking serpent. Then they had to get on at once towards the exit, being pressed forward by the new arrivals before they could have a good look.

An exit had been specially made just opposite the entrance, for all the world like the Macedonian device at Babylon when Alexander was ill; he was in extremis, you remember, and the crowd round the palace were eager to take their last look and give their last greeting. Our scoundrel's exhibition, though, is said to have been given not once, but many times, especially for the benefit of any wealthy new-comers. And at this point, my dear Celsus, we may, if we will be candid, make some allowance for these Paphlagonians and Pontics; the poor uneducated "fatheads" might well be taken in when they handled the serpent — a privilege conceded to all who chose — and saw in that dim light its head with the mouth that opened and shut. It was an occasion for a . . . man whose intelligence was steeled against such assaults by skepticism and insight, one who, if he could not detect the precise imposture, would at any rate have been perfectly certain that, though this escaped him, the whole thing was a lie and an impossibility.

By degrees the citizens of Bithynia, Galatia, and Thrace, came flocking in, everyone who had been present doubtless reporting that he had beheld the birth of the god, and had touched him after his marvelous development in size and in expression. Next came pictures and models, bronze or silver images, and the god acquired a name. By divine command, metrically [poeticaly] expressed, he was to be known as Glycon, for Alexander had delivered the line: "Glycon my name, man's light, son's son to Zeus." And now at last the object to which all this had led up, the giving of oracular answers to all applicants, could be attained. (The cue was taken from Amphilochus in Cilicia. After the death and disappearance at Thebes of his father Amphiaraus, Amphilochus, driven from his home, made his way to Cilicia, and there did not at all badly by prophesying to the Cilicians at the rate of threepence an oracle.)

After this precedent, Alexander proclaimed that on a stated day the god would give answers to all comers. Each person was to write down his wish and the object of his curiosity, fasten the paper packet with thread, and seal it with wax, clay, or other such substance. Alexander would receive these, and enter the holy place (by this time the temple [the citizens had built to accommodate the snake-god Asclepius/Glycon] was complete, and the scene was all ready), after which the givers would be summoned in order by a herald and an acolyte; Alexander would learn the god's mind upon each supplication, and return the packets with their seals intact and the answer attached, the god being ready to give a definite answer to any question that might be asked.

The trick here was one which would be seen through easily enough by a person of your intelligence (or, if I may say so without violating modesty, of my own), but which to an imbecile would have the persuasiveness of what is marvelous and incredible. Alexander contrived various methods of secretly undoing the seals, then he read the questions, answered them as seemed good, and then folded, re-sealed, and returned them, to the great astonishment of the recipients. And then it was asked, "How could he possibly know what I gave him carefully secured under a seal that defies imitation, unless he were a true god, with a god's omniscience?"

Perhaps you will ask what these contrivances were; well, then — this information may be useful another time. One of them was this: He would heat a needle, melt with it the under-part of the [sealing] wax, lift the seal off, and after reading, warm the wax once more with the needle — both that below the thread and that which formed the actual seal — and reunite the two without difficulty. Another method employed the substance called collyrium; this is a preparation of pitch, bitumen, pounded glass, wax, and mastic. He kneaded the whole into collyrium, heated it, placed it on the seal, previously moistened with his tongue, and so took a mold. This soon hardened; he simply opened, read, replaced the wax, and reproduced an excellent imitation of the original seal as if from an engraved stone. One more I will give you: adding some gypsum to the glue used in book-binding he produced a sort of wax, which was applied still wet to the seal, and on being taken off solidified at once and provided a matrix harder than horn, or even iron. There are plenty of other devices for the purpose . . .

So oracles and divine utterances were the order of the day, and much shrewdness Alexander displayed, eking out mechanical ingenuity with obscurity, his answers to some being crabbed and ambiguous, and to others absolutely unintelligible. He did, however, distribute warning and encouragement according to his lights, and recommend treatments and diets; for he had, as I originally stated, a wide and serviceable acquaintance with drugs; he was particularly given to prescribing "cytmides," a salve prepared from goat's fat, the name being of his own invention. And, for the fulfillment of ambitions, advancement, or successions, he took care never to assign early dates; the formulation was,

All this shall come to pass when it is my will, and when my prophet Alexander shall make prayer and entreaty on your behalf.

Randi comments: I'll not try to covert the currency values here. The translation from the Greek was done in 1905 by an Oxford scholar. Merely assume that the sums are handsome....

There was a fixed charge of a shilling per oracle. And, my friend, do not suppose that this would not come to much; he made something like £3,000 per annum; people were insatiable — they would take from ten to fifteen oracles at a time. What he got he did not keep all for himself, nor put it by for the future; what with accomplices, attendants, inquiry agents, oracle writers and keepers, amanuenses, seal-forgers, and interpreters, he had now a host of employees to satisfy.

He had begun sending emissaries abroad to make the shrine known in foreign lands; his prophecies, discovery of runaways, conviction of thieves and robbers, revelations of hidden treasure, cures of the sick, restoration of the dead to life — all these were to be advertised. This brought people running and crowding from all points of the compass; victims were bled, gifts were presented, and the prophet and disciple came off better than the god; for had not the oracle said:

Give what ye give to my attendant priest; my care is not for gifts, but for my priest.

A time came when a number of sensible people began to shake off their intoxication and combine against [Alexander], chief among them the numerous Epicureans; in the cities, the imposture with all its theatrical accessories began to be seen through. It was now that he resorted to a measure of intimidation; he proclaimed that the city of Pontus was overrun with atheists and Christians, who presumed to spread the most scandalous reports concerning him; he exhorted [the citizenry of] Pontus, as it valued the god's favor, to stone these men.

Randi comments: note the accusation of unorthodoxy against the skeptics, still used today by the scam-artists to devalue the opinions and statements of the skeptics. Uri Geller has piously proclaimed, "I believe in God!" — in contrast with the awful James Randi, of course — and Sylvia Browne refuses to consider any discussion with me, because "Randi doesn't believe in God!" And as today's miracle-mongers also do, Alexander supernaturally saw nasty things up ahead for skeptics:

An inquirer had asked how Epicurus [the deceased skeptical philosopher] fared in Hades, and was told:

Of slime is his bed,
And his fetters of lead.

. . . I have mentioned that the serpent [Asclepius/Glycon] was often exhibited by request; he was not completely visible, but the tail and body were exposed, while the head was concealed under the prophet's dress. By way of impressing the people still more, he announced that he would induce the god to speak, and give his responses without an intermediary. His simple device to this end was a tube of cranes' windpipes, which he passed, with due regard to its matching, through the artificial head, and, having an assistant speaking into the end outside, whose voice issued through the fake [head of] Asclepius, thus answered questions. These oracular pronouncements were called autophones, and were not vouchsafed casually to anyone, but reserved for officials, the rich, and the lavish. . . .

It was one of his happy thoughts to issue prophecies after the event as antidotes to those premature utterances which had not gone right. Frequently he promised recovery to a sick man before his death, and after it, was at no loss for second thoughts:

No longer seek to arrest thy fell disease;
Thy fate is manifest, inevitable.

Knowing the fame of [other local prophets] for soothsaying much like his own, he struck up an alliance with them, forwarding on many of his clients to those places. . . .

So things went within the borders of Ionia, Cilicia, Paphlagonia, and Galatia. When the fame of the oracle traveled to Italy and entered Rome, the only question was, who should be first as a customer; those who did not come in person sent messages, the powerful and respected being the keenest of all. First and foremost among these was a man named Rutilianus; he was in most respects an excellent person, and had filled many high offices in Rome; but he suffered from religious mania, holding the most extraordinary beliefs on such matters; show him a bit of stone smeared with unguents or crowned with flowers, and he would incontinently fall down and worship, and linger about it praying and asking for blessings. The reports about our oracle nearly induced him to abandon the political position he then held, and speed to Abonutichus; he actually did send messenger after messenger.

His envoys were ignorant servants, easily taken in. They came back having really seen certain things, relating others which they probably thought they had seen and heard, and yet others which they deliberately invented to curry favor with their master. So they inflamed the poor old man and drove him into confirmed madness. He had a wide circle of influential friends, to whom he communicated the news brought by his successive messengers, not without additional touches of his own.

All Rome was full of his tales; there was quite a commotion, the gentlemen of the Court being much lettered, and at once taking measures to learn something of their own fate. The prophet gave all who came a hearty welcome, gained their goodwill by hospitality and costly gifts, and sent them off ready not merely to report his answers, but to sing the praises of the god and invent miraculous tales of the shrine and its guardian.

Alexander had now worked himself into a position of influence and power in the city of Rome. This was the pinnacle of his career, but there was another, more insidious weapon he came upon, one which he used for he really big money scams. We'll learn about that next week, when Lucian's account continues in Part Three....


I've commented before here that posting this web page has been very educational for me. As an example, when I guessed last week about the reference to "the alexic name" in one poetic prophecy produced by Alexander, reader Craig Harman hastened in with his much more likely explanation. He quoted the verse:

Hard by Sinope on the Euxine shore
The Italic age a fortress prophet sees.
To the first monad let thrice ten be added,
Five monads yet, and then a triple score:
Such the quaternion of the alexic name.

Then he offered this analysis:

This is actually very straightforward to understand. The Greeks used their alphabet itself to represent numbers, as follows:

Numbers one to nine: Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon, Digamma, Zeta, Eta, Theta

Numbers ten to ninety: Iota, Kappa, Lambda, Mu, Nu, Xi, Omicron, Pi, Qoppa.

Numbers one hundred to nine hundred: Rho, Sigma, Tau, Upsilon, Phi, Chi, Psi, Omega, Sampi.

Thus [the figures generated in the verse]: 1, 30, 5, 60 = alpha, lambda, epsilon, xi = ALEX!

Accordingly, the "quaternion [set of four] of the alexic name" is merely the first four letters translated into their numerical values....

Thanks, Craig. We see that Alexander created this simple puzzle that would soon be worked out by the locals, and would appear to predict that Alexander was the individual referred to by the oracle.....!


I'm off to London as you read this. I'll be lecturing Wednesday the 31st at University College, London, in the Lower Ground Floor Lecture Theatre at 26 Bedford Way, starting at 7:30 p.m.

Hope to see lots of friends there. The not-so-friendly are predicted to show up, too...!


This is a photo I took a few years ago in a major office building in Helsinki, Finland. We're accustomed to having the 13th floor of a building skipped, but I thought this was carrying it a bit too far.....! I'm sure the building is very safe.