Whenever a far-away or long-dead culture can be invoked, a mystery or an entire mystical philosophy can be generated. Depend on it. The scam-artists delight in reaching back for ancient ideas, particularly those that bear some real value, and then they distort it all into flummery — which as we know, sells exceedingly well.

The martial arts have long been a favorite arena for promoting nonsense. There are some schools that depend on their "mysteries" to survive, much to the dismay of the genuine teachers who put their hearts into the task of instructing students what really works — and how it works — only to be eclipsed by the bamboozlers who are selling costumes, chants, stunts, and theories, but no real facts.

Reader Dr. J. D. Morenski has been fighting nonsense in the martial arts for years. He's kept me informed of the more egregious scams in the field, and though we've challenged many of the practitioners to take the JREF prize, they've always gone away mumbling excuses that make "The dog ate my homework" look legitimate. I've published the standard JREF challenge in martial arts magazines that enjoy huge circulations, and not one of those who claim miraculous abilities has ever accepted the challenge — though many have loudly declared that winning the prize would be easy for them, just before they faded from the scene to wait until the pressure has died away. Most of these are selling some system or a gimmick to unsuspecting customers.

In any case, they can never, ever, made a clear statement of what their powers are, or of exactly what they're selling. They come up with lots of fantastic, imaginative theory, and though most of them are not themselves Asian, they complain that "Westerners usually do not understand," and they supply "outs" such as excuses that an opponent can counteract their magical "powers" by keeping his tongue against his hard palate; as Dr. Morenski says, "I am unaware of how anyone can avoid keeping his tongue from his hard palate." Usually, the claim is yet another of the "slaying of the soul" tricks, where they claim that they can "knock out" an opponent merely by waving their hands in front of him.

There's a "chi-master" named Richard Mooney — who delights in bad-mouthing me, a favorite sport with losers — was put to the test two years ago and the resulting failure has hounded him all over the Internet. His responses have been rather ineffective, says Dr. Morenski:

According to the administrator of the web-page that sponsored the test nearly two years ago, the results of which were reported in a previous issue of Swift and are available on: http://www.uechi-ryu.com/an_empty_force.htm, the claimant in question has had difficulty explaining his failure on a number of other web-pages. Before the test, he tended to "appear" on a martial arts Internet forum along with various students to proclaim his "powers" and to ridicule doubters. He would inundate the forum with theories in a manner which I am sure readers are familiar with from following this site. Of course, any skeptic simply "does not understand" the "powers" because he comes from a "Western bias," et cetera.

If that failed, the chi-master could always resort to simple insult.

However, since the results of the test were published, skeptical readers have been able to bring that fact to his attention, much to his discomfort. He originally wrote a "response" of sorts which can be seen at: http://www.uechi-ryu.com/use_of_energy%20by%20Richard%20M.%20Mooney.htm

My response to his response is available at: http://uechi-ryu.com/response_to_the_empty_force_test.htm. For those who read through all of this, please rest assured that, soon, I will test for and win the $1,000,000 by demonstrating my ability to fly . . . after I work out this problem with impacting on the concrete. . . .

Mooney's responses apparently did not have the effect he wanted, for readers again asked him to explain his failure, and my response. He chose a tactic worthy of any warrior: he demanded that his response be deleted! Apparently, one should exercise caution in what one writes, for one may have to stand by it later.

The site administrator, and administrators of other martial arts forums, discovered that the chi-master and his supporters have stumbled upon a unique tactic — registering under other martial artist's names and under other multiple names to create a virtual "peanut gallery" of support. The responses from this "multitude" has consisted primarily of insulting Mr. Randi, myself, and others involved in the test. Unfortunately for the "multitude," martial artists have begun to wonder why they are receiving reports that they'd posted something on a forum. Worse, apparently it's quite easy to determine the origin of a posting, thus revealing the rather "singular" source of the "multitude."

I encountered one of these dopplegangers when alerted to a debate. Said chi-master and disciples entered proclaiming their powers, only to be met by posters asking for an explanation as to why he'd failed under conditions he agreed to, and under which he'd said he could perform.

Allow me to take the moment to stress a few points contained in the referenced articles. The individual swore he would meet Mr. Randi "anytime, anywhere" to prove his powers. Needless to write, this never happened. The individual stated, specifically, what he could do. He reviewed the conditions of the test. He agreed to perform at the time of the test. Finally, and this involves martial arts: he went into methods to defend oneself against an attacker. I must confess I wish to rely on methods that do not depend on the time of day, on whether or not the attacker is a "non-responder," or is a skeptic, or is relaxed, et cetera.

The response to the questions consisted of barrages of theory and insult.

The proclaimed "lineages" in martial arts, particularly the esoteric menagerie of "kung-fus" based on animals that never existed, can make particle physics appear straightforward. That's the point: anyone can claim whatever lofty expertise and instruction from tongue-twisting oriental masters they wish, in one great appeal to ignorance and authority. "You never heard of Grand Master Poo?!!! Well, clearly you do not deserve to even question my greatness . . . blah . . . blah."

Nevertheless, lineages do exist.

Eventually, a few posters not only recognized some of the teachers cited, a few had even trained under them. One poster quoted his teacher who supposedly taught the "secrets," as condemning the practice as so much chicanery! The response? I am sure readers can guess. "Of course Master-So-and-So condemned this to you. To me he passed the ancient secrets of. . . ."

This did not convince the readers, fortunately.

Dr. Morenski informed me that the enlightened teacher is Ryuko Tomoyose, a 10-Dan master in his late 70's, from Okinawa. And, adds Morenski, "a very nice man."

If these debates had remained in the realm of "weekend warriors" who enjoy dressing up in snazzy uniforms with multicolored belts while addressing one another by various titles, it would remain merely an embarassing joke. However, people do think they can apply such flim-flam in real situations. Faith healing is funny until one realizes that victims become hurt. Students who practice these "techniques" in the "real world" can, and do, get hurt.

It has come to my attention that a proponent of the pressure-point-knock-out sells a video on knife defenses. Try to imagine, for a moment, an attacker armed with a knife coming at you with every intention of committing malice aforethought. You will now lightly touch a combination of points on his body to knock him out.... I've been informed that it works very well on student-attackers who have learned how to react....

As we all know, the JREF challenge is still out there. Come and get it. Quick! Before Sylvia Browne snaps it up! It's been 323 days, Sylvia!

To begin the series promised last week, I offer the observations of philosopher Lucian of Samosata (2nd century C.E.) on one Alexander of Abonutichus (or Abonouteichos), who he had investigated and tested, and understood rather well. I've edited this translation to provide a clearer picture and to eliminate some of the topical references that do not substantially add to the basic story, and I'll break in often to insert explanations, some in brackets. The 1905 Oxford translation used very few commas, and thus was confusing, so I've tried to make it more readable. Abonutichus was a town of Paphlagonia, in what is now Turkey. Lucian titled his essay, "Alexander the Oracle-Monger," and it was written in response to a request from a friend of Lucian. Here is Part One:

You, my dear Celsus, possibly suppose yourself to be laying upon me quite a trifling task: Write me down in a book and send me the life and adventures, the tricks and frauds, of the impostor Alexander of Abonutichus. In fact, however, it would take as long to do this in full detail as to reduce to writing the achievements of Alexander of Macedon [Alexander the Great]; the one is among villains what the other is among heroes. Nevertheless, if you will promise to read with indulgence, and fill up the gaps in my tale from your imagination, I will essay the task. I may not cleanse that Augean stable completely, but I will do my best, and fetch you out a few loads as samples of the unspeakable filth that three thousand oxen could produce in many years.

I confess to being a little ashamed both on your account and my own. There are you asking that the memory of an arch-scoundrel should be perpetuated in writing; here am I going seriously into an investigation of this sort — the doings of a person whose deserts entitled him not to be read about by the cultivated, but to be torn to pieces in the amphitheater by apes or foxes, with a vast audience looking on. Well, well, if anyone does cast reflections of that sort upon us, we shall at least have a precedent to plead. Arrian himself, disciple of Epictetus, distinguished Roman, and product of lifelong culture as he was, had just our experience, and shall make our defense. He condescended, that is, to put on record the life of the robber Tilliborus. The robber we propose to immortalize [Alexander] was of a far more pestilent kind, following his profession not in the forests and mountains, but in cities; he was not content to overrun a Mysia or an Ida; his booty came not from a few scantily populated districts of Asia; one may say that the scene of his depredations was the whole Roman Empire.

Randi adds: Epictetus was a philosopher who never wrote anything himself. His pupil Arrian recorded his ideas, which are interesting and provocative. Lucian:

I will begin with a picture of the man himself, as lifelike (though I am not great at description) as I can make it with nothing better than words. In person — not to forget that part of him — he was a fine handsome man with a real touch of divinity about him, white-skinned, moderately bearded; he wore, besides his own hair, artificial additions which matched it so cunningly that they were not generally detected. His eyes were piercing, and suggested inspiration, his voice at once sweet and sonorous. In fact there was no fault to be found with him in these respects. So much for externals. As for his mind and spirit — well, if all the kind Gods who avert disaster will grant a prayer, it shall be that they bring me not within reach of such a one as he; sooner will I face my bitterest enemies, my country's foes. In understanding, resourcefulness, acuteness, he was far above other men; curiosity, receptiveness, memory, scientific ability — all these were his in overflowing measure, but he used them for the worst purposes. . . .

You are to set your imagination to work and conceive a temperament curiously compounded of falsehood, trickery, perjury, cunning; it is versatile, audacious, adventurous, yet dogged in execution; it is plausible enough to inspire confidence; it can assume the mask of virtue, and seem to eschew what it most desires. I suppose no one ever left him after a first interview without the impression that this was the best and kindest of men, nay, and the simplest and most unsophisticated. Add to all this a certain greatness in his projects; he never made a small plan; his ideas were always large.

Randi notes here: So that you may better understand what follows: the male youth of Greece in that era did not hesitate to sell their physical charms to those who were willing to buy and/or invest. The practice is not unknown in our own day, but hardly recognized or acknowledged. It was common in the day of which Lucien writes, though frowned upon officially.

While in the bloom of his youthful beauty, which we may assume to have been great both from its later remains and from the report of those who saw it, he traded quite shamelessly upon it. Among his patrons was one of the charlatans who dealt in magic and mystic incantations; they will promise to smooth your course of love, confound your enemies, find you treasure, or secure you an inheritance. This person was struck with the lad's natural qualifications for apprenticeship to his trade, and finding Alexander as much attracted by rascality as he was attractive in appearance, gave him regular training as an accomplice, satellite, and attendant. His own ostensible profession was medicine, and his knowledge included, like that of Thoon the Egyptian's wife, many a virtuous herb, and many a bane; to all of which inheritance our friend succeeded. This teacher and lover of his was a native of Tyana, an associate of the great Apollonius, and acquainted with all his tactics.

And now you know the atmosphere in which Alexander lived. By the time his beard had come, the Tyanean was dead, and he found himself in straits; for the personal attractions which might once have been a resource were diminished. He now formed great plans, which he imparted to a Byzantine chronicler of the strolling competitive order, a man of even worse character than himself, called, I believe, Cocconas. The pair went about living on occult pretensions, shearing "fatheads," as they described ordinary people in the native Magian lingo. Among these, they got hold of a rich Macedonian woman. Her youth was past, but not her desire for admiration; they got sufficient supplies out of her, and accompanied her from Bithynia to Macedonia.

She came from Pella . . . There is here a breed of serpents, so tame and gentle that women make pets of them, children take them to bed, they will let you tread on them, have no objection to being squeezed, and will draw milk from the breast like infants. To these facts is probably to be referred the common story about Olympias when she was with child of Alexander; it was doubtless one of these that was her bed-fellow. Well, the two saw these creatures, and bought the finest one they could get for a few pence. And from this point, as Thucydides might say, the war takes its beginning.

These ambitious scoundrels were quite devoid of scruples and they had now joined forces; it could not escape their perception that human life is under the absolute dominion of two mighty principles, fear and hope, and that any one who can make these serve his ends may be sure of rapid fortune. They realized that, whether a man is most swayed by the one or the other, what he must most depend upon and desire, is a knowledge of futurity. So were to be explained the ancient wealth and fame of [the temples, oracles and seers of] Delphi, Delos, Clarus, Branchidae; it was at the bidding of the two tyrants aforesaid that men thronged the temples, longed for foreknowledge, and to attain it sacrificed their hecatombs or dedicated their golden ingots.

Randi: How very similar to the needs of people today! Those who profess to speak with the dead depend on the grief and fear of their victims, and others say they can and will answer inquiries about the future. The "marks" (the victims) haven't changed much at all.

All [these factors] they turned over and debated, and it resulted in the resolve to establish an oracle. They looked for immediate wealth and prosperity if it were successful; the results surpassed their most sanguine expectations.

The next things to be settled were, first, the theater of operations, and secondly, the plan of campaign. Cocconas favored Chalcedon, as a mercantile center convenient both for Thrace and Bithynia, and accessible enough for the provinces of Asia and Galatia, and the tribes still further east. Alexander, on the other hand, preferred his native place, urging very truly that an enterprise like theirs required congenial soil to give it a start, in the form of "fatheads" and simpletons; that was a fair description, he said, of the Paphlagonians beyond Abonutichus; they were mostly superstitious and well-to-do; one had only to go there with someone to play the flute, the tambourine, or the cymbals, to set the proverbial mantic sieve a-spinning, and there they would all be gaping as if he were a god from heaven.

Randi comments: How these rogues would have salivated over the possibility of using the Internet and television! To clarify a point: the "mantic sieve" referred to has been described in my book, "An Encyclopedia of Claims, Frauds, and Hoaxes of the Occult and Supernatural," under "dowsing." It is one of the many ancient varieties of dowsing devices. Using a sieve combined with shears, a system is constructed that is in poor equilibrium. This type of dowsing is rare, but very dramatic in operation — similar to the weighted stick system described and illustrated recently on this site.

This difference of opinion did not last long, and Alexander prevailed. Discovering, however, that a use might after all be made of Chalcedon, they went there first, and in the temple of Apollo, the oldest in the place, they buried some bronze tablets, on which was inscribed the statement that very shortly Asclepius, with his father Apollo, would pay a visit to Pontus, and take up his abode at Abonutichus. The discovery of the tablets took place as arranged, and the news flew through Bithynia and Pontus, first of all, naturally, to Abonutichus. The people of that place at once resolved to raise a temple, and lost no time in digging the foundations.

Randi adds: Asclepius was a god of medicine, son of Apollo and a nymph named Coronis. He was killed by Zeus, but that apparently didn't slow him down a bit. As a god, he could take any form he wished, as we'll see in a moment. It's all very complicated and unclear. Those old Greeks.....!

Cocconas was now left at Chalcedon, engaged in composing certain ambiguous crabbed oracles. He shortly afterward died, I believe, of a viper's bite. Alexander meanwhile had gone on in advance; he had now grown his hair and wore it in long curls; his doublet was white and purple striped, his cloak pure white; he carried a scimitar in imitation of Perseus, from whom he now claimed descent through his mother. The wretched Paphlagonians, who knew perfectly well that his parentage was both obscure and mean on both sides, nevertheless gave credence to the oracle, which ran: "Lo, sprung from Perseus, and to Phoebus dear, High Alexander, Podalirius' son!" Podalirius, it would seem, was of so highly amorous a nature that the distance between Tricca and Paphlagonia was no bar to his union with Alexander's mother. A Sibylline prophecy had also been fortuitously "discovered" just about then:

Hard by Sinope on the Euxine shore
The Italic age a fortress prophet sees.
To the first monad let thrice ten be added,
Five monads yet, and then a triple score:
Such the quaternion of the alexic name.

Randi: By this arduous means we arrive at "96," which divided among the "quaternion" (group of four) comes to 24 apiece. I've not the faintest notion what this means, but it doesn't matter much. The "alexic name" would suggest "Alexander" to the reader, though. "Sinope" was the capital city of the province, and is located on a cape at the very northern extent of what is modern-day Turkey, on the south shores of the Black Sea. That is, strangely enough, very close to ("hard by") Abonutichus....! Lucian:

His heroic re-entry into his long-left home placed Alexander conspicuously before the public; he affected madness, and frequently foamed at the mouth — a manifestation easily produced by chewing the herb soap-wort, used by dyers; but it brought him reverence and awe. The partners had long ago manufactured and fitted up a serpent's head made of linen; they had given it a more or less human expression, and painted it very like the real article; by a contrivance of horsehair, the mouth could be opened and shut, and a forked black serpent tongue protruded, working on the same system.

In the fullness of time, Alexander's plan took shape. He went one night to the temple foundations, still in the process of being dug and with standing water in them which had collected from the rainfall or otherwise. Here he secretly placed a goose egg, into which, after emptying it of its contents, he had inserted some new-born reptile. He made a resting-place deep down in the mud for this, and departed. Early next morning he rushed into the market-place, naked expect for a gold-spangled loin-cloth. With nothing but this and his scimitar, and shaking his long loose hair, like the fanatics who collect money in the name of Cybele [Great Mother of the Gods, whose priests were frantic, crazed men who slashed themselves], he climbed onto a lofty altar and delivered a harangue, felicitating the city upon the advent of the god now to bless them with his presence.

In a few minutes nearly the whole population was on the spot, women, old men, and children included; all was awe, prayer, and adoration. He uttered some unintelligible sounds, which might have been Hebrew or Phoenician, but completed his victory over his audience, who could make nothing of what he said, beyond the constant repetition of the names Apollo and Asclepius. He then set off at a run for the [site of the] future temple.

Arriving at the excavation and the already-completed sacred fount, he got down into the water, chanted in a loud voice hymns to Asclepius and Apollo, and invited the god to come, a welcome guest, to the city. He next demanded a bowl, and when this was handed to him, had no difficulty in putting it down at the right place and scooping up, besides water and mud, the egg in which the "god" had been enclosed; the edges of the aperture had been joined with wax and white lead. He took the egg in his hand and announced that here he held Asclepius.

The people, who had been sufficiently astonished by the discovery of the egg in the water, were now all eyes for what was to come. He broke the egg, and received in his hollowed palm the barely-developed reptile; the crowd could see it stirring and winding about his fingers; they raised a shout, hailed the god, blessed the city, and every mouth was full of prayers — for treasure and wealth and health and all the other good things that he might give.

Alexander had now set the stage for his grand entrance onto the world stage as a swindler, and as we'll see when we continue next week, the people he had open-mouthed before him were more than willing to throw money and favors at him in return for empty promises, outright fraud, and even more. Part Two, next week....

Had I been more careful in examining my meager knowledge of astrophysics when making my comments on Lindell Lucy's speech recently, I'd not have erred in accepting that it would be a Red Giant, rather than a Supernova that is going to destroy life on this planet (don't panic, it's not imminent!) And I'd not have to publish this correction, one of many I received:

According to my physics professor at Kent State University (Professor Barrick), however, our Sun is not large enough to go Supernova — so it will, therefore, not turn into a Black Hole. Instead, in a certain number of million (perhaps a few billion) years, our Sun will expand out to Red Giant status, swallowing the first four planets: Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars. Afterwards, the Red Giant will recede into a Black Dwarf, which, as Professor Barrick explained to us, is like a cinder left over from a fire.

So, indeed, the Earth will still be burned up (the atmosphere being boiled away, the mountains melted down, etc.) but a rock much like the planet Mercury will (perhaps) be left — although all life will be gone.

This is what Professor Barrick of Kent State University taught my class. Please clarify if he was incorrect.

No, decidedly no! The good Professor is indeed right, he speaks sooth, il a raison! I humble myself and apologize. However, I point out that dead is dead, whether by being vaporized or undergoing "transformation" in a Black Hole. We won't be here, and if we were here, we'd have no choice. The matter is, as they say, moot, using Webster's second definition. Go ahead, look it up....

Expressing here a personal opinion: In the recent Pledge of Allegiance brouhaha, I ask you to consider quotations from three of the leading proponents of having "under God" retained in the Pledge. The court decision was that the "under God" inclusion is unconstitutional because it clearly expresses that the USA is aligned with belief in a Christian — or other variety of — deity.

Senator Robert Byrd, D-West Virginia, who voted for the addition of "under God" on the currency in the Congress on June 7, 1954, warned that any judges who declared the Pledge unconstitutional, should never come before him because he would "blackball" them. If that's not a threat, spoken by a US Senator against appointed judicial figures who have accomplished the legal functions asked and required of them, and have provided compelling proof of their decision, I don't know the meaning of the word, "threat." Webster's tells me it's "a declaration of an intention to inflict punishment, injury, etc., as in retaliation for or conditionally upon, some action or course." Threatening, under the law, is an offense — even if done by a Senator. Go ahead, try threatening a judge, and watch the black helicopters with the assault team drop into your back yard. When a senator does it, the result is only embarrassment for others.

Tom Daschle, D-South Dakota, said, "This decision is nuts." I see. A proven, well-argued, decision by a properly appointed federal group of judges, is simply "nuts"? When it comes to a serious nut-competition, who do we suppose would win, in this case? Let's hear a serious discussion of "nuts" from the folks in South Dakota!

Senator Trent Lott, R-Mississippi, said, "This is obviously an unbelievable decision, as far as I am concerned, and an incorrect ruling and a stupid ruling." Let's talk. Can we ask from whence this "obvious" learned opinion was derived, Senator Lott? No, apparently not. At no point did any of these senators explain where the majority decision might be in error. That would seem, to my admittedly politically-naive mind, to be what would accompany those comments. It appears that senators can threaten and insult us, and are not easily called upon to explain their statements, their actions, or their opinions.

There's just so much about U.S. royalty that I don't understand.

As you read this, I'm away in Corvallis, Oregon, for the celebration of "DaVinci Days" (July 19-21) in the company of such good buddies as Dr. Ray Hyman and Jerry Andrus, and as you know, Jerry will be one of the featured artists here at "The Amazing Meeting" January 31st to February 2nd of next year. A bit of relaxation for me, and very welcome. If you're in the area, look up www.davinci-days.org and consider dropping by! I have a heavy trip to London, UK, coming up at the end of this month, and the results of that investigation of one of our very favorite subjects on this web site, will — I confidently expect — give me some very rich material for your edification!

I'll close this week with two frames from an Internet comic strip. I've an idea that this just might be meant to represent moi.....