Browsing through my local pet-supply store, I came upon one of those new-tech advances that should surely appeal to pet owners, especially those with aging or ailing animals for which they seek the latest in treatment technologies.  In an attractive, colorful, three-sided carton covered with effusive pseudoscientific claims and terminology, a simple dog/cat quilted pad is offered for a mere $79.99.  It’s called the “Actisyn Magnetic Pet Pad,” a “circulatory system aid” operating on the principle of “UNI-POLAR magnetic therapy.”  The 32 magnets imbedded in the pad are advertised to aid in “the relief of degenerative joint disease, soft-tissue pain, tendinitis, and hip dysplasia.” 

Sleeping on magnets is described in the advertisement as “a well-established form of therapy in the Orient and throughout Europe.”  And, in addition, it is endorsed by homeopaths and used by pets breeders whose names are quoted.  We’re also assured that “Cleopatra believed [that magnets] aided in her youthfulness.”  This wonder-pad “allows the animals body to move more nutrients to affected areas,” and it ensures “more oxygen reaching cells.”  It “aids in blood flow and circulation,” too.  And just how does it accomplish all these good things?  This product works, we’re told, “by crossing magnetic waves with the body’s own currents.  The heat that is generated expands the blood vessels and allows the circulatory system to carry its natural healing properties to the area . . .”  Also, it has “no side effects,” and best of all, the “magnets are guaranteed for life.” 

These claims are not only unproven, but the statements are gobbledygook.  So-called magnetic therapy is “well-established” quackery, not only in the Orient and Europe, but here in the USA.  There is zero evidence for the effects claimed about the diseases named, most especially hip dysplasia, which is a hereditary problem that can only be treated by radical surgery, and even then not very effectively.  The “crossing magnetic waves” claim is absolute nonsense, both scientifically and logically.  And there is no heat generated whatsoever. 

Cleopatra never made any statement about magnets keeping her young, though she did believe that imbibing crocodile dung was an effective means of birth control.  Magnets cannot “move nutrients” in any manner, nor can they affect oxygen or blood.  It’s no trick at all to guarantee a magnet “for life,” whether it’s for the life of the purchaser or of the animal to which it’s applied.  However, while it is true that the magnets have no side effects, it is equally true that they have no other effects either — except maybe attracting the odd paper clip.  

But the fantastic medical claims made for the Actisyn Magnetic Pet Pad are far overshadowed by the statement that the product “uses only Bio North Polarization” since the “Actisyn magnets are uni-polar.”  Well, I have news for the Brock Animal Health Corporation, the manufacturer of this expensive notion.   In physics, a magnetic monopole has been sought for just about a century now, and selling pet-pads hardly compares with winning a Nobel prize. 

So, if you want to apply this stunning technology to your pet, you’d better rush out and buy one of these miracle pads right away, because when the Brock folks find out what a remarkable scientific breakthrough they have stumbled upon, they will surely abandon making the product in favor of worldwide acclaim and respect for their technological achievement of isolating, manufacturing, and selling not one, but 32 magnetic monopoles.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that the pad is rated at “3950 Internal Gauss,” whatever that means.  Yet another incentive to snap up the latest for your pet. 

I must mention a caveat that appears on the box, however.  The purchaser is admonished, “Do not use on the abdomen of pregnant dogs.” You’ve been warned!  Pups born to a dam so treated might turn out to be incredibly naive. . . . 
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Back at the beginning of April, I offered my readers a rather interesting puzzle that involved the British two-pound coin.  (Go to www.randi.org/jr/04-04-2000.html and find it at the very bottom of the page.) 

I followed that up with my own inane comment about the ratios of the cogged wheels, and was appropriately embarrassed at my naivete.  But at the conclusion of all the discussion that ensued, I was smugly satisfied that the principle of parity absolutely dictated that the number of cogged wheels connected together in a circle must be even, if the wheels are to turn at all.  Since the British coin featured a ring of 19 wheels, it was very obvious that those wheels were locked together in such a way that they could not turn.  A comment was also made that since this coin was issued to honor British industry, it was an embarrassment to the designer — and to the Royal Mint. 

Just this week I received a tantalizing e-mail message from Mr. John Lockard, who announced that the 19 wheels can be arranged in a circle, each one turning the next one and the system functioning just as well as if there were 18 or 20 wheels in the circle.  Cautiously, I quoted the rule of parity — but asked to see what his solution might be.  Remarkably enough, the gentleman presented me with a perfectly viable solution! 

Your problem this week, should you choose to accept, is to tell me what Mr. Lockard came up with.  Just so that we’re very clear on this, there are in 19 cogged wheels arranged in a complete circle, each wheel being driven by another and it in turn driving the one ahead of it in the sequence.  Each wheel is meshed with two other wheels, no more and no less.  Removing any wheel or wheels from the arrangement would stop the whole mechanism.  There are no other bits of machinery or equipment used, no springs or pulleys. 

Next week, if we have no correct solutions submitted, I will offer you one word as a powerful clue.  Just as a hint, that word begins with “M.” 

I think this is an absolutely delicious problem, and an excellent example of “thinking outside the box.”  I think you’ll also share my delight. 

(To Mr. Lockard:  As a reward for this excellent treat, I’ll send you something from the JREF merchandise list.  All that stuff is now available through credit cards, including memberships, and we’ve had great success with that facility.  Just click on”JREF Store” and you’ll be with the “Shopping Cart” access procedure!  Mr. Lockard gets an item free -- you have to give your credit card data, under secure conditions, of course.)