This coming Wednesday, May 16th, 14-year-old Jordan Good Weasel will be graduating from eighth grade at the Little Wound Middle School in Kyle, South Dakota, on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. What? You never heard of that school, nor of Jordan Good Weasel? Well, get ready to hear a lot more. If Jordan is any indication of the quality of students that teachers like Michael Riemen turn out, we'd better pay attention.

Jordan will receive an award for Outstanding Achievement in Science. No surprise. He scores on the 93rd percentile in science on the Stanford Achievement Test, the highest score at that school for any of the tests in the S.A.T. battery. He's consistently on the honor roll, and got "A's" for the last two years. And the following night, May 17th, Jordan will be a featured student speaker, chosen for his scholastic achievements, involvement in sports and student council — as well as for his outgoing personality. This kid is a leader, an innovator, a moving force in his school. On one occasion, when Mr. Riemen was away, he took over a class and ran a "virtual lab" experiment dealing with the basics of DNA comparison.

How many of you could do that?

Jordan wrote me and described tests he did to investigate two weird phenomena: lying on a bed of nails, and walking on fire. He was told, he wrote, that these feats were possible "because of some spiritual connection." His research showed otherwise, and he ended with this simple but sensible statement:

I think that most mysteries in life can be solved with questions or study.

My kinda guy! And here at JREF we're getting together a college scholarship fund for Mr. Good Weasel. If any of you folks out there would like to get in on this great opportunity to send Jordan from Kyle off to college, you can send your contributions to us at: JREF
201 S.E. 12th Street
Fort Lauderdale, FL 33316-1815

Make your check payable to "JREF" and write on it, "Jordan." And thanks, from us at JREF and from the kids and staff at Little Wound Middle School!

Dreadful news from the UK! Now, after half a century of upheaval, belief in UFOs is declining. How could that be? Well, the British Flying Saucer Bureau is suspending its activities. The explanation offered by founder Denis Plunkett, is that the aliens have found out all they needed to know about Earth, for now. The Bureau, which once had 1,500 members worldwide, used to receive at least thirty reports of UFO sightings every week, but they have now all but dried up. Monthly meetings have been canceled after a fall in attendance, due to an apparent sharp decline in the number of alien visitors to Earth. Plunkett, 70, a retired civil servant, founded the bureau in 1953 with his late father, Edgar.

Said Denis:

I am just as enthusiastic about flying saucers as I always was, but the problem is that we are in the middle of a long, long, trough. There's only so many times you can pick over old bones. There just aren't enough new sightings. It is not like being a philatelist — there is always something new to say about stamps. . . . The number of sightings always rises at times of international tension and declines in times of peace.

Makes sense, you know. People look at the sky more attentively in times of stress, see more airplanes and meteorological phenomena, and misinterpret them. Mr. Plunkett is aware of this fact:

There was also a lot more secrecy about new weapons like the Stealth bombers which accounted for a lot of the sightings.

Plunkett became interested in UFOs and possible extraterrestrial activity after one of his cousins was lost in an aircraft that vanished shortly before it was due to land at La Paz in Bolivia. The disappearance, actually far from UFO-caused, was explained earlier this year when the aircraft wreckage and human remains were found in the Andes.

Please forgive what follows. It's a simple stream-of-consciousness bit, pecked out on my laptop during a recent mini-tour that took in Wisconsin, California, and Arizona. I came upon an Internet site that just so dismayed me, I just started in.....

Never lacking dire prophecies to throw us all a-trembling, one of the more bizarre web-sites — by a Kathleen Keating, this time — has dropped these tidbits before us:

About the year 2000 AD, Antichrist will reveal himself to the world.

Let's work on the "about" modifier, shall we? We're half-way into 2001, so is that what some might unkindly call a "failed prophecy"? Or is "failed prophecy" an oxymoron in the predicting business? Inquiring minds want to know.

We will soon see a monetary crash that will involve the entire world. . . . This collapse has to happen to put the ball into play for all end-time events. . . . Along with the catastrophic collapse, we will see extreme terrorism in the US. . . . It is only a matter of time.

Whoa! We're up against that fuzzy language problem again. Everything is "a matter of time," Kathleen. How much? How long? When? The inquiring minds still don't know.....

A comet strike is due sometime between September and December. Supposedly, this strike will be the result of an impact on Mars and its moon. Allegedly, this will create a form of energy that will be propelled to Earth. In short, this could manifest itself into tornadoes, hurricanes and electrical storms. My sources indicate that we will indeed see cosmic dust and debris along with larger rocks. These rocks will light up the skies on their entry into our atmosphere and some may survive, hitting the Earth. As yet, these sources do not think we will see a serious "impact" this year. That is not to say, however, that a significant impact will not happen.

In a leap of bold assumption, I'll say that Kathy means "September and December" of this year. But we see here those convenient modifiers, "supposedly," and "allegedly" also "could" and "may," along with the ever-popular "think," making this prophecy a lot woolier than we might like. I won't even mention the astronomical howlers contained in the text, but it seems to me that after the comet hits us, we won't care much about what's happening on Mars, and she thinks that a comet falling on us isn't "serious"? I have to admit, that last sentence of Kathy's is a winner in the shilly-shally category. Cover the bases....

Prophecy has been quite clear that we are scheduled for two major impacts. Certainly, when the comets do strike the Earth, we will be thrown into a devastating time with severe weather changes and crop failures in addition to the tidal waves and destruction of cities. If you add these and other factors together, we can see that we are headed for chaotic times. Bring the UFO invasion into this equation and you have mass confusion and fear that will underscore the demand for a leader of consequence and power. That leader is the Antichrist.

Kathleen, let's get real, shall we? Prophecy hasn't been "quite clear" about anything. Suddenly you have two comets hitting us, you assure us that the collision will upset the weather and crops (how did you know that?) and you drop some UFOs on us just to fill in any survival gaps you might have missed.

Plunging on, Kathleen assures us of "the exile and eventual murder of Pope John Paul II." She also warns us,

Starving people tend to make hasty decisions, especially if getting fed is linked with pledging allegiance to the dark side. So, put aside food now, store water and medicines and be prepared for a whole new ballgame. The Antichrist's Day of Declaration approaches as well as the days of unimaginable horrors. . . . a 19th Century prophet, said, "Countless legions of demons shall overrun the earth . . . causing terrible calamities and disasters. Nothing on earth will be spared." Yet these things can be held off as indicated in prophecies from a French nun, Sister Marianne: "As long as public prayers are said, nothing will happen."

Okay. Outa here, Kathleen. You blather on about how bad things are gonna be, and then get an "out" with Sister Marianne in case you're wrong? Out!

Does anyone reading this crap, believe a bit of it? Yes. Millions do. They read this nonsense, they're vulnerable for one reason or another, they aren't equipped to evaluate the statements, and they panic. That's one of the reasons that CSICOP, the Skeptics Society, and the JREF exist. We try to bring better understanding and critical thinking to bear on these matters, and though it often seems a thankless job, we persist.

Reader David Peppiatt, from the UK, offers this observation on these matters:

I believe you would discover that the central reason why so many favour belief in anything other than reality is, reality is just way too terrifying because, by addressing reality one must also accept that human beings have actually no definitive purpose on E arth. It is this issue which I believe is the basis for all superstitions.

All other animals, lacking consciousness of their environment — a fact which you may wish to contest if you happen to own a clever goldfish! — don't suffer conscious stress, Man does. Yet Man cannot determine the reason why he suffers stress; given he has been fed a steady diet of the prospect of one or many nirvanas, just waiting over his horizon, his expectation is that nirvana will arrive, its just a matter of waiting.

Naturally, the entire philosophy of social welfare has added to this faint belief, as have sundry bits of legislation, common throughout the Western world, which seek to protect man against his own stupidity, by setting up third parties for appropriate blame when man cuts his silly head off.

About the only group of people I have found who do not subscribe to the various stupidities [you] mentioned, are Randian followers. Naturally, they are vilified for their opinions on reality, and accused of heartlessness. But the fact remains, other than in himself and his integrity, Man is fast running out of arcane beliefs upon which he can toss his emotional anchor.

Agreed, David, with minor reservations. (This reader also shared with us his observations on the Steiner/Anthroposophist schools, which can be the subject of another discussion here.)

Reader Jay Crosby warns us about a Mother's Day scam. This comes up a couple of times a year, mostly around Mother's Day and Christmas. It's the phony pitch from something called INTERNATIONAL STAR REGISTRY where they tell you that the "perfect gift" is having a star named after somebody. The pitch assures you that the star name will be inscribed in a book registered with the International Copyright Office.

This is all pure bunkum, of course. The name you pick and the star these jokers supposedly assign it to, have no bearing on anything. They put it in their database, which is copyrighted. We hope you won't fall for this name?a?star pitch and that you'll warn your acquaintances about it.

When actor David Arquette was reported to have consulted a hypnotherapist to stop his dog snoring, we just had to chuckle. But from the UK, we now have reports of "herbal remedies for rabbits, Bach flower remedies for dogs, therapeutic touch for cats, and Ayurvedic medicine for horses." At his Oxfordshire clinic, veterinarian Christopher Day uses "alternative treatments" first, resorting to drugs and surgery only for what, he says, are those rare occasions when they're "really needed." You see, the idea behind this that so titillates the believers, is that animals are not able to fake results, or fall into the placebo trap. This would be a good idea, except that the results are judged by humans, and they are quite susceptible to fooling themselves.

The British Veterinary Association considers alternative medicine as "another weapon in the veterinary surgeon's armoury." A Member of Parliament has suggested adopting alternative tactics in the battle against the foot-and-mouth disease epidemic that so afflicts the UK: "If homeopathy is good for humans," he told Parliament, "it is good for animals." We couldn't agree more. But we emphasize the "if" in that statement.

As for Arquette's dog, we never found out whether hypnosis cured the snoring problem. If you could get the dog into a trance, how would you communicate the command to stop snoring? Telepathy? Tarot? Subliminal cues? Threats? Hmmm.

Pam Blizzard, I'm told, is a fanatical supporter of John Edward. He's the man who does the guessing-game about dead people on the Sci-Fi Channel. She told a correspondent:

In an email I just received from [Dr. Gary E.] Schwartz, he states that Randi mis?represented his "Committee." Schwartz contacted one of the four purported members — he said that he had not been contacted by Randi, and if he had been, he would have declined.

If Pam Blizzard — whoever she is — said that, either she is a blatant liar, or Schwartz has mis?represented the situation. I very much doubt that Schwartz e-mailed that to Pam. All four of those persons have agreed to be listed and to serve on the committee.

Here's a challenge: If Pam Blizzard will identify this proposed person — who I notice is not named! — and provide the statement in which he said that if he had been contacted by me and asked to serve, he would have declined, I'll push a peanut across Times Square with my nose, naked. How can she pass up that offer? Pam, you're a liar. Unless, that is, Dr. Schwartz — or someone claiming to be Schwartz — did make such a statement, in which case he is the guilty party. Inescapably, someone here is lying. It is not I.

What's your response, Pam? Who is it, and where's the evidence? Derived from Tarot cards? Or just a plain old LIE?

Hello, Pam???? Where are you? Keeping company with Sylvia?

That "minor" puzzle last week was anything but minor! After just 2 days of answers, I got to work and organized the 54 words that were submitted as of that time. I was going for "orange," "silver, and "velvet," but what a surprise! Here's a list, each word followed by the number of submissions (within that 2 days, only) and when the submission is obviously wrong, I provide just one example of a rhyming word, in brackets.

aitch alphabet angry 2 angst 2 auburn bottom breadth 2 bulb 2 carpet challenge cusp death (breath) depth 3 dreamt (exempt) eighth 2 elbow else English

fifth 3 fuchsia glimpsed golf good 2 (wood) gospel 2 gulf 3 lavender lemon light 2 (right) lilac (back) liquid mollusk (corn husk) month 8 moon (soon) ninth 2 oblige 2 occasionally

orange 23 pint possible purple 22 radio rose (toes) sculpts 2 silver 16 sixth 2 subway (today) tenth tofu twelfth vacuum 2 violet (varlet)? widow (bread dough)? width 3 wolf 3

Yes, I rather strayed from my adjective/noun requirement in accepting these. And a couple of "rhymes" are iffy. The reason: definitions were argued over by readers. Examples:

Music is another [non-rhymed word], but it fails your adjective test and has a rare rhyme (paracusic). Orange rhymes with sporange, which is a moss spore sac (a synonym of sporangium). Other rhymes are the compounds microsporange and zygosporange. Purple rhymes with curple (used only in Scotland, meaning buttocks) and with hirple (Scottish for limp).

The mind soars.... Imagine having a case of purple curple and a hirple.....! More, from another reader:

The first definition of the noun "rhyme" in my dictionary is "Correspondence of terminal sounds of words or of lines of verse." The third definition is "a word that corresponds with another in terminal sound, such as baboon and harpoon." If, as I suspect, this puzzle refers to the words "orange," "silver," and "purple," you may be correct with respect to the third definition, but not with respect to the first.

You can see now just how difficult this business can be.... I was recommended to refer to the New York Public Library Desk Reference, 3rd edition,(OSPM), for help. I will.

So, seeing the very good response to this puzzle, I'll ask you — for next week — to provide rhymes for as many of the above submissions, as you can.

"Month." Hmm. I'll look for a rhyming word. Yeth, at wunth.....