The latest conspiracy crackpottery involves "chemtrails," deadly clouds of chemicals that someone (read, the government) is spraying over the populace via commercial airliners and military aircraft. These are proven, we're informed, because motorists find films of mysterious stuff on their windshields. Wow! A dirty window! What more proof do we need? There are websites devoted to the subject, many with hundreds of carefully cataloged photos of dissipating vapor trails following planes, as evidence. The fact that jet engines burn kerosene and generate quantities of water vapor - which then condenses in the atmosphere and produces "contrails," doesn't seem to have come to the attention of these folks. Take a look at the stuff they put out, at *link removed* as a good starting point. It has the bonus of also peddling a "remedy" for these poisonous substances at *link removed*. There seems to be no remedy for naivety, unfortunately.

Greg Traying informs us that Sylvia Browne has missed again. He writes:

I thought you might be interested in knowing about a local prediction of Sylvia's that just turned out completely wrong. Last November 14th there was a tragic accident on the Ambassador bridge in Windsor (a local landmark connecting Canada to the US). A number of workman fell from the bridge and one of them, Jamie Barker, was not found and presumed dead after a lengthy search. A few weeks later, his widow, Marion Barker, consulted Sylvia on the Montel Williams show. Sylvia told her that Jamie was embedded in the river bottom and would not be found. A few days ago fisherman found his body down river at Zug Island in LaSalle, where it had apparently floated after the accident, not trapped under the rubble as Sylvia had predicted. There was an article in the Windsor Star a couple of days ago that detailed the errors. . . . What irks me about this woman is the amount of anguish her "insights" must have caused the grieving family at the time, demonstrating her "psychic powers" at the expense of people's emotions.

That "well-known U.K. actress" in the U.K. who I said last week "appeared at a film premiere wearing an expensive crystal pendant designed to shield her body from cell phone and computer radiations," wasn't an actress. I was trying not to be impolite, but in order to emphasize what follows, you should know that she was Cherie Blair, Prime Minister Tony Blair's wife. She is also a barrister. Hey, we in the USA have also been subject to irrationality in high places; Nancy and Ron Reagan consulted astrologers. What's next? Read on.

Here is yet another example of how deeply nonsense has invaded governments. France's most famous astrologer, Elizabeth Tessier, 68, who advised head-of-state François Mitterrand on matters of administration, was granted a doctorate of sociology by the Sorbonne in Paris this last weekend for her 900-page thesis analyzing the rejection by French scientists of astrology. Her thesis was titled, "The epistemological situation of astrology through the ambivalent fascination/rejection in postmodern societies."

Tessier had predicted that the intelligentsia of France would be outraged if her work were ever recognized by a doctorate, which she had sought from the Sorbonne in astrology, but which was awarded in sociology, that apparently being a less offensive breach of Gallic academic good taste. The reaction to this farce was obvious and predictable. As Mme. Tessier underwent an oral examination in a room adorned by portraits of such real French luminaries as René Descartes, Blaise Pascal and Louis Pasteur, Professor Christian Cabrol, a prominent Parisian cardiac surgeon, shouted: "It's a major farce!" then stormed out of the chamber and slammed the door behind him. Way to go, Professor! Too bad others didn't follow you out.

After a 2 1/2-hour discussion, the Sorbonne committee made her a doctor of sociology. Said Mme. Tessier, "It's been like giving birth." Her thesis was essentially an attack on "the short-sighted and condescending academics" who had failed to grasp the significance of her art, of which she said: "It has been relegated to the role of a barbarous and untouchable subject."

Good observation, Dr. Tessier.

Self-styled "professional psychic and astrologer" Antoinette de Ville has circulated a letter in the city of Otago, New Zealand, promising wealth and good luck in return for the payment of a fee. But police staff were among those who received her letter. Bad move, Antoinette! Couldn't you tell....?

The letters, hand-written in blue ink, were personally addressed and accompanied by a photograph of a woman hugging a fluffy cat. Ms. de Ville wrote that she had fallen asleep at her desk and dreamed of the recipients in "exotic settings and gardens of fragrant flowers." That meant, she wrote, that they would win lots of money in the next three months and the universe was compelling her to write and tell them how to receive the riches, and if they sent her the "small handling fee" of $59 (US$24) they would receive special written advice on how to win $343,895 (US$139,230) within 77 days (US days 77). The letters also asked for birth dates, bank card numbers, and their expiry dates.

A local police official, asked about the matter, sagely said, "My advice would be not to respond, especially with a check or credit card details." At the very least, officer. How about going after "Antoinette"? Even if you did, you'd have little luck.

There's more to this. I have on hand a raft of letters that match this one. There's no Mme. de Ville. That's a nom de fraude adopted by the local New Zealand branch of an international organization of swindlers who in other countries have used "Mme. Madeleine Claire," "Mme. Françoise Deloix," and "Mme. Marie Nostradamus," among other names, a few of those letters showing the same photo with the same fluffy cat. The story is the same, simply because it has been shown to work effectively, particularly on older folks who fall for these schemes more easily. Since they operate from post-office "drop" boxes, the crooks simply empty the boxes regularly, and are on their way before local gendarmes can get their acts together.

Mme. de Ville? Elle n'existe pas du tout.

A young lady named Aynsley has sent in a comment concerning the inhabitants of the "haunted" houses who appeared on the Larry King show with me recently. Said she, "I know why those people see ghosts in their houses! It makes them feel special!" Says her mother, "Aynsley pointed out that if someone saw a 'real' ghost, they would be really frightened. Instead the guests on the show were all unafraid and almost 'proud' they had a ghost in their house." Mom adds that her daughter "has been in training to be a skeptic since birth,"

I believe it.

At the JREF, we are constantly on the lookout for students who show outstanding talent in the pursuit of truth, and the defeat of pseudoscience and quackery. When I lectured recently for the National Science Teachers Association in St. Louis, that attracted the attention of Michael Riemen, a science teacher at Little Wound Middle School in Kyle, South Dakota. This is located on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, about 35 miles north of Wounded Knee, of historical infamy. Not content to merely marvel over fakirs who recline on beds of nails and walk over red-hot embers, a 14-year-old eighth grader named Jordan Good Weasel set out to investigate these feats.

As teacher Rieman points out, Jordan found out that these "supernatural" stunts were merely applied physics. He found out with a simple experiment and some good common sense, that the bed-of-nails trick is just a matter of distributing one's weight evenly over the largest number of nails available. (Note to Jordan: if anyone doubts that, ask them to start out with just one nail!) As for the fire demo, Jordan tested several different kinds of wood and determined that one could produce more suitable beds of embers with certain woods, and that the layer of ash over the fire is an excellent insulator - a poor conductor of heat.

Jordan Good Weasel scores in the 93rd percentile in science on the Stanford Achievement Test. He has received all "A's" in science for the last two years, and is seen consistently on the honor roll. Student council and school sports keep him busy in the rare times he's not discovering something new that needs his attention. He's an Oglala Sioux, a member of a respectable and storied branch of our species. He has something to offer us, judging from his excellent scholastic record. And we at the JREF will be assisting him to move ahead in his education. Details of the grant will be forthcoming here.

John Clavis was the first solver of how to make a Maltese cross with ten matches. If you noted the catapult illustration at the top of the page last week, along with its caption, you'd have been alerted to a late April Fool's stunt. Yes, the solution is to find a citizen of Malta, stick nine of the matches into his ear, and then light them with the tenth. That should make him real cross. One reader had a more refined solution:

First, you give the Maltese nine of the matches and the mirror and challenge him to form the matches, unbroken, into a Maltese Cross. Wait one hour, rejecting all his almost?Maltese?Crosses as being imperfect. Then reveal that it is impossible. You will almost certainly have made the Maltese cross, but in the unlikely event that that fails, ignite the tenth match and set fire to his necktie.

I really admire individuality.

This week (no, April 1st is not operating here) you are asked to cut a rectangle measuring 4 X 9 into two pieces, and re-assemble it into a square of the same area. There's no cheating here, no missing bits, no overlaps. A true square. Jeff Corey gave us this one.