I've decided that I will share here with readers the entire progress of one applicant's exchange of correspondence with the JREF in regards to a claim, the genesis and discussion of the matter, and the d�nouement. This e-mail message snuck by Andrew Harter and arrived in my mailbox just today (February 22/02). I will publish here the first approach by "Ms. C" and my first response to her. (The lady called me on the phone shortly after I sent the e-mail, and told me that my response to her was "sharp," and that she had no belief in the paranormal. I suggested that we should negotiate all this on e-mail, bearing in mind the fact that I wanted to present this to you readers, and she agreed.)

Following her initial frenzied comments here, you will see her claim, which is not at all too different from, nor nuttier than, others that we receive. Yes, it's perhaps difficult to believe such a claim is serious, but far more bizarre and unlikely claims have been made, even in the profession of parapsychology.

I have changed very slightly the punctuation, spelling, and division of the original, for clarity. The applicant's name is also disguised. This will be a real-time event, relayed to you weekly as it transpires. The lady wrote:

Dear Sir: I do not believe that you plan to pay off on your Paranormal Challenge because you will not define what YOU WILL ACCEPT AS PROOF. Nonetheless, I can demonstrate the fact that consciousness and personality not only survive death, but that they can communicate with us in a way that anyone can hear and understand: I receive and record Electronic Voice Phenomena from a common household appliance.

It is a Krups model #467 coffee maker. I record the Spirits speaking through the coffee maker in their own voices with a Radio Shack Digital Voice Recorder and have hundreds of clear, often lengthy, meaningful statements from them. They will answer questions and they can also read. They will read and respond to notes placed in the vicinity of the coffee maker when it is running. Their voices can be heard emanating from the coffee maker in real time, (as they are speaking) though it is difficult to understand most of their words "in real time." They used to call "HELP!" very loudly at first and that was quite easy to understand. Those calls for help and hearing my name was how I first discovered (to my horror, initially) that this was happening.

In order to test this you may use your own equipment, (Coffee maker and recorder, though I prefer that it be a similar Krups #467) and the experiment can be done in any location. It does not have to be in my home. I live in Maryland and only ask that it not be a great distance to travel. I analyze the recordings with a computer software program that the recorder downloads to, but one of your people can do the analyzing. (There are usually many statements per each minute of recording that can overlap one another.)

The positive result could be that you will receive a response that is meaningful to you as a result of your written or spoken query. A negative result would be that you didn't, but I believe that you have your own standard of what constitutes proof and that is the challenge that I would like to meet.

I have already successfully recorded Spirit voices from this coffee maker in a location other than my home and I also have recordings of Spirit voices from another Krups #467 made by a gentleman in another state. My guess is that after all of your years of investigating, you have already found out that Electronic Voice Phenomena is valid.

KINDLY RESPOND WITH THE CRITERIA THAT NEEDS TO BE MET IN ORDER TO ACTUALLY WIN YOUR CHALLENGE.

Sincerely, Ms. C.

I immediately responded — within 30 minutes:

I have received your rather hysterical, presumptuous, and misinformed inquiry. I hasten to reply.

First, the phenomenon you describe is well-known. It results from a random "tuned circuit" within an electrical device (coffee maker, electric typewriter, tape recorder, even an electric iron) that picks up modulated signals from either a strong nearby AM radio station, an amateur radio "ham," or any sort of communications device — including a cellular phone. Improper shielding of such devices can give rise to these audio images. These images are usually referred to by the uninformed as "spirit voices," and the history of this sort of thing goes far back to the early days of radio. Needless to say, those who prefer the "spiritual" explanation cannot ever be convinced that they are wrong.

In any case, your claim is certainly eligible for application to the million-dollar challenge, of course.

You wrote: "My guess is that after all of your years of investigating, you have already found out that Electronic Voice Phenomena is valid." Well, your guess is quite wrong. We have been approached by several people who make this claim, and in every case we have resolved the phenomenon as a quite ordinary one. In most cases, we are able to determine the source of the audio image, and to prove conclusively that it is quite explainable. In one case we showed that on the half-hour there was a "station ID" given, and it seemed to us that the "spirits" would not be providing such a service.

You demand: "KINDLY RESPOND WITH THE CRITERIA THAT NEEDS TO BE MET IN ORDER TO ACTUALLY WIN YOUR CHALLENGE." It's obvious that we cannot outline the "criteria" required — in our rules and requirements — since every claim is different, and requires different standards: guessing whether a coin will fall heads or tails, is quite different from predicting how a certain stock will do on the NYSE.

Your claim is quite interesting, though. You say that you receive "hundreds of clear, often lengthy, meaningful statements from them." Yes, I'm sure that you do. That's the nature of broadcasts and telephone communications, which you are picking up. So, that is not a factor here. But, you also say, "They will answer questions and they can also read. They will read and respond to notes placed in the vicinity of the coffee maker when it is running." Excellent! This is something that we can certainly test. It is something that cannot be mistaken for random voice noise.

You also state, "Their voices can be heard emanating from the coffee maker in real time, (as they are speaking) though it is difficult to understand most of their words 'in real time'."

Yes, I'm sure. And therein (the underlined part) lies a great difficulty. In my experience, victims of this (and similar) delusions amass a great lot of material, and then pick through it patiently for long periods of time until something resembling the answer they are looking for, shows up. I knew of a man in Germany (his wife's hair-dryer spoke to him) who asked simply, "What is 2 plus 2?" and then went through 20 minutes of tape until he heard something that sounded like "fear," (that's "vier," or "four" in German) and claimed that the question had been answered. I'd like to know from you, how long it takes for the questions to be answered....?

"The positive result could be that you will receive a response that is meaningful to you as a result of your written or spoken query." Yes, that would work. My question would be something direct, such as, "What was the name of my paternal great-grandfather?" However, that question, in writing, would be placed in such a position that no one but the spirits would be able to read it.

Does this sound feasible to you? We are in the very first stages here of developing a possible protocol. I know that you will ignore the possibilities that I have outlined here as mundane explanations, since you're absolutely dedicated to a paranormal modality, and after you have failed the test, you will persist in believing — because you need this to be true. However, I'm required to give you this information, on the remote chance that you might recognize the true nature of the phenomenon.

Ms. C, you should think about your story. The "voices" part is, I'm sure, quite true. The answering of questions, I believe, is the part that you have provided to validate the paranormal aspects of your claim. Yes, I know, you will deny this — even to yourself — but again, I'm required to give you this information.

I await your response.

Stay tuned for further developments....

Attorney General John D. Ashcroft made this — to me — highly offensive, statement last week in an appearance before "Christian broadcasters" in Nashville, Tennessee.

Civilized people — Muslims, Christians and Jews — all understand that the source of freedom and human dignity is the Creator. Civilized people of all religious faiths are called to the defense of His creation. We are a nation called to defend freedom — a freedom that is not the grant of any government or document, but is our endowment from God.

No, sir, we have both freedom and human dignity at the moment we're born. These assets are not given to us as a special gift from a deity, as much as you and other politicians and zealots would have us believe. These rights are in place because others of our species have valiantly labored, suffered, sacrificed, and died, to earn them for those who succeeded them in history. They are ours, and continue to be ours, only if we are vigilant and brave enough to keep them in place, and no one has the right to take them from us. Freedom is the grant of our Constitution, and thus of our government. You, of all people, should know that, and should defend it. We expect you to do that.

Yes, the language of the Declaration of Independence, though not the Constitution itself, attributes divine origins to these rights, an attribution that offers no supporting evidence other than blind belief in a deity. But it is the Constitution itself that codifies the assets we hold so dear, that guarantees them to us through a decision made by human beings. Spirits, gods, ghosts, angels, or even demons, when invoked to validate our rights, will not respond; that document will.

I find it incredible, that a man appointed to represent the people of America by defending the Constitution, should invoke his religious prejudices in this way. The attorney general also holds daily prayer meetings in his office at Justice Department headquarters in Washington, another outrage that blatantly offends the concept of separation of church and state. He has no prerogative to dictate to us, nor to declare before the world, what our religious or philosophical beliefs are.

If a Washington official should choose to hold daily Transcendental Meditation meetings, Spiritualist s�ances, Amway rallies, or voodoo magic ceremonies, in his office with his staff, can you imagine what Ashcroft would say? Yet his own personal version of hocus-pocus is acceptable, and is imposed on his employees?

Ashcroft also has said:

Islam is a religion in which God requires you to send your son to die for him. Christianity is a faith in which God sends his son to die for you.

Asked about this by a reporter, the Attorney General replied that the reported remark didn't "accurately reflect what I believe I said." He doesn't know what he said? Come on! It seems to me very evident that our Attorney General, one of the most powerful persons in the Federal Government, just cannot separate his religious agenda from his public office. And I find that outrageous, distressing and alarming.

Hot News Department.... Self-styled "inventor" Dennis Lee, about whom we've commented last year, has now set July 4th as the date for the revelation of his still-unseen, marvelous "free electricity" machine. Well, it's about time! Attorneys general all across the country have been chasing this flamboyant faker for years now, and as our friend Eric Krieg, an electrical engineer in Pennsylvania, says:

For 15 years [Lee has] assigned a date. He said March in one show, July in another. When I first heard him in '96, he said at the end of that year. That's part of keeping the faithful perked up ... It's about keeping a flux of new suckers coming in.

I agree with Eric; July 4th this year will come and go, and Lee will have found an excuse not to show his investors this invention for which they have already paid. And they will never see it, but others will continue to invest. You can read more about Lee and his scam, at www.phact.org/e/dennis.html.

Reader Rich Hughes offers this:

I've enjoyed watching your appearances on TV over the years and am glad to find you have such a worthwhile website. It's good that there are people out there promoting science and common sense. It does seem that so much of what goes on these days passes without any critical scrutiny.

I'm writing to draw your attention to an article on divining that was in the Orlando Sentinel last week (2/13/02 page B3) in case you missed it. In an article titled "Divining rods unable to turn up graves at Volusia pond site" the paper tells how a local resident (Leon Clements) and Volusia County workers "spent much of Tuesday...divining, digging and sifting" trying to supernaturally locate unmarked graves on some land being made into a retention pond. The land was thought to have once been part of a cemetery, but nothing was found using this technique. It is an interesting display of gullibility and tax dollars at work.

It also brought to mind a memory from my childhood. Back when I was in middle school in Tampa during the '70s they had a program that allowed well-performing students to attend weekly classes at a place called the "Learning Center." It was kind of a different school that offered courses on a wide variety of subjects, including some a bit out of the mainstream. One class offered was on the new "science" called parapsychology. Now, studying the supernatural is very appealing stuff, especially to a kid, so naturally I was drawn to it.

The class was actually pretty interesting. Rather than being an introduction to ghosts and spoon benders, it turned out to be a lesson for me in the value of testing ideas and critical thinking. Every week the class would talk about some topic in parapsychology and usually do some type of test on the matter, which brings me back to the subject of divining rods. One lecture was devoted to divining rods and "dousing" for hidden deposits of water.

[Randi notes: the terms "divining," "dousing," and "dowsing" are variants of the term for finding almost anything by means of a forked stick, parallel wires, or a pendulum.]

That day, as an experiment, all the students were given two rods. Each rod resembled a wire clothes hanger that had been bent into an L-shape. They were held by the short ends in a loosely gripped fist, one in each hand. This manner allowed them to sway somewhat freely in overlapping arcs in front of you as you walked or held them. If two rods crossed in the middle it was said to indicate water. We were then sent outside the center to use these devices and our natural dousing talents, if any, to find hidden water.

The teacher had us line up, and one by one we would walk this preselected path across the grass outside the center. It just so happened that every ten feet on this path there were sprinkler heads sticking out of the ground. I, being skeptical didn't expect much, but I was somewhat amazed, even momentarily creeped out, as each of the kids ahead of me walked slowly across the yard and their rods crossed exactly over every sprinkler head. Then came my turn, and sure enough, as I walked over each spot my rods did cross. This was not by my willing it either, for they were held loosely and allowed to sway in my hands. I must say it gave me goosebumps. I even wondered, could supernatural forces be at play here?

Then reality set in. After the whole class was done, the teacher announced that we had walked the length of the sprinkler system, and the pipe carrying the water to each sprinkler head was under our feet the whole path! Boy, did I feel foolish. Our rods should have been crossed during the whole walk, if we were detecting the water of the sprinkler system (or for that matter, the underlying Florida aquifer). I realized that as I approached each sprinkler head, I slowed my pace and subtly shifted my hands a little, enabling each rod to sway forward and cross at the moment expected. I can laugh about it now, but it taught me a lesson about thinking things out and on the power of expectations and suggestion.

On another occasion, we did a project on whether talking to plants regularly, makes them grow better. Each student was given two seeds and we planted them in little pots. They were to be treated equally, except one that plant we'd give a name to and talk to regularly, while the other would get the silent treatment. The test was to see which one grew bigger. After several weeks most of the class, myself included, had the result that their ignored plants were doing better! To this day, I haven't decided if my plant did so poorly because talking to them doesn't work, or whether it was commenting on my conversational skills.

Anyhow, thought you might enjoy these stories. Keep up the good work!

Rich, I'd like to know who that teacher was. He sounds like my kinda guy. I would hope that there was more to the seed-growing experiment than what you've told us (a double-blind evaluation of the plants at the end of the run, for example) but it sounds as if you got lucky and had an excellent instructor.

Peter Holt, in Australia, informs us of this news item on a sideways leap of science that appeared Down Under...

Gemini the "worst driving starsign."

People born under the star sign Gemini were the most likely to crash their cars, with Capricornians the least likely to have a pileup, a study by Queensland insurance company Suncorp Metway has found. The company said the results showed up in a study of car accident claims over the past three years, but that astrology would be playing no part in the company's premium pricing.

It said that in the study period, 14,500 drivers born between May 21 and June 21, with the star sign Gemini, had crashed their cars. They were closely followed by Taureans (April 20 — May 20) and Pisceans (February 19 — March 20).

Suncorp Metway personal insurance manager Warren Duke said that while the study was light hearted, it was interesting that Geminis, typically described at restless, easily bored and frustrated by things moving slowly, had more car accidents than any other sign. Taureans, signified by the bull, were often described as obstinate and inflexible, while Pisceans could be risk-takers and daredevils. Capricornians, who came last on the list, were typically described as patient and careful.

Mr. Duke said the study was part of Suncorp Metway's annual review of claims, but there was no intention to use astrology to decide motor insurance premiums. "We always look for trends in claims to see if there are ways to reduce our pricing, but there is no intention to introduce astrology as a rating factor for motor insurance," Mr. Duke said.

I have to wonder, then, just how this breakthrough in knowledge came about. Someone had to assign such a project, right? Perhaps an intellectual giant with Suncorp Metway decided to pursue an astrological analysis/survey of drivers, then it was discovered that this might lead to accusations of discrimination? In any case, doesn't the company conduct investigations more likely to produce real results for a real world?

One of my many books on astrology, The Compleat Astrologer, describes Taureans as having "violent tempers," and Pisceans as "gentle." But in this Aussie research, these two signs closely follow the Geminis as accident-prone, who are described only as "versatile" and "communicative"! How could that be? And one would think that those born under a sign described as "accident-prone" and "assertive" (Aries) should at least be in the top three? In none of my books could I find Geminis described as "restless, easily bored and frustrated by things moving slowly." I did find them described as, "clever, exuberant, expressive, shifty-eyed, and charming," for whatever that may signify. And the "Compendium of Astrology" tells us that Gemini do best in the professions of, primarily, "bus or truck driver"! But I found those born under Aries designated as, "energetic, impulsive, and appalling drivers"! Howcum Aries didn't "win"?

Gee, you have to wonder whether astrology is just nonsense....?

In regard to the Australian project, since we've insufficient information on the numbers and the percentages, or what the significance of the noted trend was, an analysis of this data isn't possible. I suspect that this is another of those matters in which any factor is bound to have highs and lows in any data base. Remember the bell-shaped curve.....?

But don't think that the astrologers won't be trumpeting this news item to the world....!

Responding to my mention of Natalia Lulova's profile, so advantageous in her performance, two readers brought to my attention a famous profile portrait by painter Piero della Francesca of the 15th Century Duke of Urbino, Federico da Montefeltro. The duke lost his right eye and some of his nose in a joust, and (some say) had a little more of the bridge of his nose removed so that he could get a better view with his remaining eye. Hey, it works! Ask the blindfold kids!

From the Geller site, giving cautions about the world-shaking "experiment" that he promised for last week in which the gullible would obtain great benefits from staring at Geller's photo:

Readers are warned not to worry if they feel warm, see an orange and blue aura around his eyes or experience things jumping off shelves.

How about if they feel really stupid, see a sneer on his face, and experience nausea in their stomachs? What feeble attempts this man makes to get into the media again....

Also, two readers commented on the Human Spontaneous Involuntary Invisibility matter, which has stretched the credulity of so many of you. Well, here is the proof that it's just not practical, nor possible.

Our dear friend, prolific author Isaac Asimov, once pointed out the fatal flaw in most invisibility plans, which is that being invisible would mean that light no longer acts on the body in any way, so by definition, since light can never affect your retinas, you are also automatically blind! Also, as one reader pointed out, if it's true that such a "cloud" (as described by the author of that ludicrous article) absorbs all light entering and does not refract nor reflect the light, the cloud must appear as a perfectly opaque object that would be very visible — as a dead-black something-or-other — and hard to ignore. It would be far from invisible!

Reader Joe Ridgel sends me this hypothetical exchange, which I'd not seen before, between one (C) who argues that the accounts in the Bible prove Christian claims to be true, and another (D) who disputes that premise.

D: Was there a road named Route 66?

C: Yes.

D: Was there an event called the "Great Depression"?

C: Yes.

D: You agree that during this time there was also an event called the "Dust Bowl"?

C: Of course.

D: Do you agree that it is an historical fact that during this time thousands of poor farmers from Oklahoma and Arkansas headed west to California, the so-called "Okies" and "Arkies"?

C: Sure.

D: Then, using your logic, have I just proved that "The Grapes of Wrath" is not a fictional novel with an historical setting, but an historical, documentary, account of the travels of the Joad family during the aforementioned events?

C: Well, ye....no.........uh........um.......

Why does the word "anecdote" come to my mind here....?

The untiring Mogens Winther refers again to the ludicrous idea that astrologers — especially the International Society of Business Astrologers in Denmark (ISBA) — will assign a "birthdate and time" to a business or corporation, so they can cast its horoscope:

There is an amazing variety of different methods by which astrologers define the hour of birth belonging to a company. The classical example is the very moment at which this company first opened its doors to the public. Here is [the leader of the ISBA] commenting to the president of a travel agency, for example:

My advice to Lars Larsen would have been — that he with positive results should have waited 10-15 minutes before opening the doors to his travel agency. Then the astrological images would have been significantly different and much better.

However, another approach is defining the "birth" of a company as the very second that you first get the idea to start up that company. So far I know, this is the case concerning the "birth" of the ISBA.

A third method is to choose the very moment at which the company is officially registered by the authorities. This is a method which is also used by the ISBA.

Incredible, yes. But this is the best that astrology has to offer!

Australian Geoffrey Dean was a professional astrologer for many years, until he took a long, unbiased, look at what he was doing, and left the profession to become one of the most powerful foes of the "art" in modern times. The ISBA expelled member Dean because their leader had discovered that he'd transformed himself from an astrologer into a scientist, an obviously unforgivable act. He was told, in his official notice of expulsion:

As far as I know, you yourself are a scientist, not an astrologer. At least not any more.

The ISBA has just awarded me an honorary membership, assuring me that I'm not expected to pay any dues. That's a realistic expectation, indeed. This move is probably designed to shame me into recognizing their generosity. (yawn) Need I tell you that I have declined the honor?

But I can't help wonder: what if I'd been born in the 14th century or so, had no scruples, went to The Dark Side, and became an astrologer..... I'll bet I'd be a lot richer than I am today. Again, skepticism doesn't pay....

On the same subject, reader Tim Worstall points out an important fact about "financial astrology." I'd been told, long ago, by a Wall Street broker friend, that his firm subscribed to an astrological newsletter service simply because they knew certain competitors who would follow the "signs and portents" when making decisions, and that useless process would bias their thinking — thus giving him an advantage. Tim refers to

. . . the use of chartism. It goes: "Of course, I don't believe that rubbish, but the others in the market do, so I've got to see what they're thinking." Financial astrology is true, if a significant percentage of the market actually believe it. This does presuppose that two astrologers will get the same answer, and there would thus be a consensus view on what astrology was telling us....so perhaps not something we should really worry about.

I believe that presupposition is not valid. In my experience, unless an astrologer knows the direction in which another astrologer's hunches are taking him, the two will just not agree. But my friend referred to above, did not depend upon inter-astrologer agreement. He would carefully read the actual printed newsletters sent out from the learned stargazers, the very same suggestions that his competition would be reading and perhaps would follow.....

In wartime 1940 the British hired Louis de Wohl (Ludwig Von Wohl-Musciny (1903-1961), a Hungarian-born astrologer, after learning of the interest in astrology shown by the German Nazis. They put together their own group of astrologers, calling it their "black group," within the UK Department of Psychological Warfare, and Captain Louis de Wohl was put in charge. This man, who had arrived in England as a refugee in 1935, was chosen because he said he knew the techniques used by Karl Ernst Krafft (the official German Nazi astrologer) for making his forecasts, and it became de Wohl's job to anticipate what their occultist might advise the warlords of Germany to do.

De Wohl wrote some fake astrological articles that contained discouraging predictions for Nazi Germany, for use in equally fake astrological magazines. These were distributed throughout Europe by various means. Not ignoring the renewed German interest in the 16th-century French prophet Nostradamus either, de Wohl also invented some pro-British/anti-Nazi quatrains in an attempt to neutralize Krafft's work. He created a 124-page book titled "Nostradamus prophezeit den Kriegsverlauf" (Nostradamus Predicts the Course of the War), which of course predicted the fall of the Third Reich. The book was printed in huge quantities and dropped over occupied territories by the Allies in 1943.

Part of the British plan was to anticipate how the Nazis would move, if they accepted the directions of their astrologer, but therein was the weakness expressed earlier: there was no way they could be aware of how the astrologer on the "other side" would interpret the celestial signs. An interesting question is whether or not either side in this psychological World War II battle actually had any real belief in astrology or in Nostradamus; both sides officially denied any such belief, even up to the present. In any case, the expensive and ludicrous campaign failed to have much effect for either of the warring factions.

I'm always fascinated with sensory perception/deception matters. Here's a well-known face, shown upside-down. Yes, you'll recognize the person, and the face doesn't seem too odd, except for its orientation. Before moving on, take a good look and you'll probably find nothing weird or "wrong" except for the orientation. But now stand up, turn your head sideways and look at it "right side up." Or, you may wish to copy this into a graphics program, turn it 180 degrees, and really scare the kids.....

Wow! A monster, right? The point I make here is that we recognize people mainly from their eyes and their mouths. Though it's not my original idea, at all, I just turned those features 180 degrees, and re-inserted them onto the face. A little insight on how our senses deceive us....

I'm told that the German government is trying to prevent on-line marketing giant EBAY from selling copies of "Mein Kampf" (My Struggle), the political manifesto written 1925/27 by Adolf Hitler. The fear apparently is that Germany might return to that sort of politics. One has to wonder whether the Koran and the Bible should also be banned because of atrocities committed by those who believe these books dictate to them an ethnically superior notion, and call for vengeance against unbelievers.

While I'm on that subject, I'm amused to see the terror expressed by some Christian zealots over the Harry Potter books and the Dungeons & Dragons game. They tremble at the possibility that children might actually begin to believe in the miracles and powers outlined in those popular items, or be led to criminal behavior. Strange indeed. Consider what Christians accept: burning bushes, angels, virgin birth, prophecy, healing touch, water turning into wine, parting the Red Sea, walking on water, levitation, raising the dead — to say nothing of incest, rape, mass murder, seduction, public fornication, and other nasty stuff found in the Bible....

What makes these miracles any more believable, or crimes more acceptable, may I ask?

Based on my imperfect knowledge of statements of guarantee, this might be what John Edward of "Crossing Over" could offer to his customers. Imagine it printed very small, in an obscure place.....

Except for the Limited Warranty and to the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, John Edward and his handlers provide the guesses, wild generalizations, and support questions (if any) AS IS AND WITH ALL FAULTS, and hereby disclaim all other warranties and conditions, either express, implied or statutory, including, but not limited to, any (if any) implied warranties, duties or conditions of suitability, of fitness for a particular purpose, of accuracy or completeness, of responses, hints, and suggestions, of results, of workmanlike effort, of lack of viruses, and of lack of negligence, all with regard to the "reading," and the provision of, or failure to, provide accurate predictions, conjectures, inferences, or presumptions. Also, I get a connection with some bricks, or a wall, or some sort of building. A jail? And there is no warranty or condition of title, enjoyment, possession, correspondence to, or description or non-infringement with regard to the reading. So there.

John Edward makes no express warranties or conditions beyond those in this statement, and disclaims all other warranties and conditions, express or implied, including without limitation implied warranties and conditions of fitness for a particular purpose. Why do I see a bald man here? Is that your lawyer? A marshal? Some states (or jurisdictions) do not allow limitations on implied warranties or conditions, so this limitation may not apply to you. Lotsa luck.

John Edward's responsibility for malfunctions and defects in the information revealed, is limited to replacement as set forth in this limited warranty statement, consisting of giving you a quickie half-price reading by phone. This warranty gives you specific legal rights, and you may also have other rights, which vary from state to state (or jurisdiction to jurisdiction). You also have the right to be highly gullible and fall for all of the crap handed you. Is there a puppy involved here?

John Edward does not accept liability beyond the remedies set forth in this limited warranty statement or liability for incidental or consequential damages, including without limitation any liability for guesses not being accurate, or for being simply ludicrous, or for lost or forgotten details of the reading. Make notes. I'm getting a "W" or a "B"? It is your obligation to do your best to make the bad guesses fit, somehow.

Some states (or jurisdictions) do not allow (drat!) the exclusion or limitation of incidental or consequential damages, so the preceding exclusion or limitation may not apply to you. But forget it.

Speaking to dead people is a sometime thing, and you should not be surprised if there are gross errors in the guessing procedure. Hey, you get lucky sometimes, and other times, you lose — big time. It's a crap shoot.

Hey, just one month before the Pigasus Awards! We've received a fair number of nominations, but the more, the better. Remember, they're for silly stuff done in 2001, not current matters. And 2001 was a bumper year!

Reader Dr. Matthew Grove comments, re the strange word used by the astrologer we quoted recently....

I presume "circatrigintal" means "thirty day cycle." Most of us, of course, use the much more boring (and less impressive) term "monthly." Another example of dressing pseudoscience up in impressive jargon, I suppose?

Quite possibly, Doc....