Nothing surprises me any more. I received an e-mail invitation from a chap described as, "your favorite psychic-stock-guru, Marcus Goodwin" (I assure you he's not any favorite of mine!) who I am told is "very please [sic] to make this exceptional announcement" to the investing public. "On Tuesday, March 28, 2000," according to this breathless blurb, "the most highly regarded stock analysis association in the world, The New York Society of Securities Analysts (NYSSA), will officially open their eyes and ears to a brave new world called Psychic Investing."

Wow! The most failed notion in current favor, will now be made available to investors! We are promised "a remarkable and monumental afternoon of psychic-stock exploration." All that's needed is "a photo ID or two non-photo IDs to enter the WTC," and a "$30 for Non-Members, $15 for NYSSA Members" fee, though "Admission is free to the press with valid ID." I'll just bet.

(Note: we were told that the NYSSA "will officially open their eyes and ears" at this event, but it appears that will only occur if any of them choose to attend and pay the $30. This is NOT an NYSSA event, but a Marcus Goodwin event. There may be a large number of NYSSA members whose eyes and ears will remain closed to this financial bonanza.) But I hear a cry of "Danger, Will Robinson!" The blurb warns that, "Although accurate up-to-the-minute business information and good technical fundamentals are valued friends on Wall Street, they are not 100% accurate." You see, we're already getting smarter; I had no idea that was the case! We're assured that "By capitalizing on a psychic edge to investing, everything you need to know about making a killing in the stock market is made available to you, and there's nothing difficult about it."

So how does this wonderful service work? "By making use of ancient oracles of prediction such as tarot, astrology, numerology, and the pendulum your success at picking winning stocks is greatly enhanced." Ah, it's all clear to us now. I'm sure that there are also detailed instructions on invoking powerful incantations, reading the I Ching, analyzing birds entrails, bibliomancy, and consulting the bumps on one's head. I'm sure sold! And bad cess to those dunderheads who insist the Earth is round, too!

A simple, naive, question, if I may: How is it that Mr. Goodwin offers all these services to the public, for a fee, when he could much more easily use "Psychic Investing" to make that "killing in the stock market" for himself? I'm reminded of those who sell winning lottery numbers, rather than using those numbers themselves. Why?

And just who is Marcus Goodwin? We're told in this gushing blurb that he's the "renowned Paranormalist and Author," whose web page may be visited at www.marcusgoodwin.com. I can't wait to get there, so that I may "place [myself] way ahead of the pack" in the investing business. However, I'm a bit leery that we might be subjects of a put-on here when I note that the posting that brought this happy news came from "goose.prod.itd.earthlink.net" Once more we hear, loudly, "Danger, Will Robinson!"

And the Earth turns seven more times.....

Next week, a study of our powers of observation, plus a ghost in an English manor.....!

I lost a friend yesterday. Magician Doug Henning died of liver cancer after five weeks of fighting the disease with Transcendental Meditation -- his preferred philosophy and his chosen way of life. He is survived by his wife, Debbie.

Doug was a beautiful, open person, a naive individual who believed that some day he would get the hang of levitating through TM, but of course never achieved it. He wrote me 25 years ago that I would be the very first person he'd call as soon as he mastered the feat. He never called me to witness the miracle and finally informed me that he'd been instructed not to communicate with persons who were not "in" the movement. The cult had isolated him, and I never heard from him again.

Some day I'll do an article on Doug's sad descent into credulity, how he threw away his career to follow the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, and the heartless way that the TM movement made use of him. A web page this morning infuriated me by posting that "Doug and Debbie were in bliss during the transition." How can I express my feelings at that incredible comment?