road1As some of you may know, I'm moving from the idyllic hillsides of Vermont to the fantasy-land of Las Vegas, NV. I'm writing this from a Motel 6 in St. George, Utah: my last way point.

Along the nearly 3,000 mile trek, I've observed a number of interesting and disparate things, and I thought I'd share them with you. Here they are, in no particular order:

  • While GPS are wonderful tools, and I literally never leave home without one, they do not always make the best choices. A mere 20 minutes into my journey, I found myself lost. Yes, I was still in Vermont, and yes, I was only about 10 miles from where I'd lived for the last 7 years, but at one point I had to stop the truck and trailer to laugh. I was on a single track dirt road, near an abandoned covered bridge, and had no idea if I should somehow turn around or keep going the way the GPS said. A lone dairy cow observed this and seemed non-plussed. In the end, I did keep going as the GPS said, but by the time I was done my newly-washed rig was covered with mud, a road-kill skunk was dangling from one of my trailer chains, and I'd spent over an hour going about 7 miles.

 

  • road2Wind is a significant agent of erosion. I'm moving to a landscape largely made by wind... the mesas, buttes and dunes are all sculpted by wind. And knowing that wind can literally carve rock, I should have know that plastic has not a chance, especially in freezing weather. I thought I was clever wrapping the trailer in three tarps and then a final cover of cling wrap. The cling wrap lasted about 100 miles, and 300 miles in, the brand new tarps were tattered shreds. I thought this was the result of friction between the trailer and the tarp, but a closer examination revealed that the ~70 MPH wind was enough to erode the material. I went to Home Depot and bought new "heavy duty" tarps, new bungee cords and 250' of nylon rope. "Heavy Duty" means it lasts about 100 extra miles, it seems. I'll spare you the extensive details, but some 2500 miles later, I have lost over 20 bungee cords and all but one tarp, which is hiding under the shredded remnants of its siblings. A tattered 10 feet or so of rope still clings to bits of the trailer.

  • There are still places in the country where there are no gas stations. For 109 miles between Green River and Salina, Utah, Interstate 70 has no services. And by no services, I mean nothing, unless you have a sudden need for gravel.

  • Pornography and churches are correlated. Now, I haven't done an actual study, so this is merely an untested observation, but the two things I saw the most of in Missouri and Kansas were churches and "adult book stores." Obviously my view was from the highway, but in the Internet age, is there really that much demand for brick-and-mortar religion and pornography? Apparently the answer is "yes," at least in some locales.

  • road5SUVs and pickup trucks are less safe in winter weather. I was treated to an icy storm from Missouri to Colorado, and I kept a record of all the wrecks I saw. The conditions were so bad, that the abandoned vehicles were left there hours after the storm had cleared. I counted eighteen vehicles off the road. Most of these had rolled, and I know there were several fatalities from the news. Fifteen of them were SUVs and pickup trucks. One was a small car, and one was a Fifteen passenger van. Seven of them were towing trailers, including one very large and high powered speed boat that seemed out of place in eastern Colorado. The last was a 53' semi-tractor trailer, on its side in the median. The trailer had broken open, and cabbages dotted the road like some strange winter harvest. Here's the interesting an inexplicable thing: not a single one of these vehicles was a foreign car. They were all Fords, Dodges or some manner of GMC. And again, fifteen of them were four wheel drive trucks. If you take nothing else, know this... 4WD and AWD can help keep you from getting stuck in the snow, but they can't help you maintain highway speeds or help you stop any better than a normal car. Slow the hell down; I certainly did.

  • You really never know what's coming next. After I had cleared the worst of the ice, I found myself navigating around several camelids in the highway. I know alpacas are a hearty breed, but they don't seem well-suited for the interstate. Behind them was a county sheriff, frantically trying to herd them... somewhere. Now that I think about it, there was an ethical dilemma here. Wouldn't he have been making the public (namely me) safer by simply shooting the animals? I like animals (I think they're tasty), but I don't think an animal's life is worth more than a human's safety. I'm happy to report that my grill remains wool-free, though there might still be some skunk hair on the trailer.

  • road3There are a lot of skeptics out there. I spent a wonderful day with a friend in Denver (ask my about gnome hunting sometime; definitely the highlight of the trip) and some of the local prominent skeptics threw together a quick Skeptics in the Pub meetup for me. I was happy to see Reed Esau and Rich Orman again, and I finally got to meet Bryan and Baxter of the Rocky Mountain Paranormal Research Society. This meeting was worthy of a whole article, but its nice to know you can travel anywhere these days and still find yourself at home.

  • We are fortunate people. While the length of the drive was daunting, the very fact that I could make such a journey is incredible. I was able to do so in relative comfort, with CDs, satellite radio, cruise control, cell phone, heated seats, and even an Internet connection, not to mention an endless supply of heat, and oh, little things like a windshield. And while that's a far cry from the Conestoga wagon, the more amazing thing is that I didn't need a single permit, visa, or anyone's permission to pass though multiple state borders and literally hundreds of local and county governments. It has not always been thus and it may change in the future, but for the moment I'm going to enjoy something I take too often for granted: freedom.